How to resolve all disputes in your relationship
While avoiding an argument may seem counterproductive, it can actually be beneficial. But instead of leaving the room without a word in the middle of a discussion, you should explain everything to your partner in detail.
Every couple will fight at times, whether it’s about politics, cleaning the house, or even simpler things. This is sometimes unavoidable.
But to avoid bigger problems, the way we argue matters.
From using better body language to choosing the words you use, these techniques come in handy when a dispute arises.
Ultimately, using it will help you build a stronger relationship based on trust, respect, and healthy communication.
1. You are arguing about several issues at the same time
You start with a misunderstanding about your next vacation, arguing that you’re not spending enough time together.
Unfortunately, this bad habit prevents you and your partner from ever getting to the root of the problem.
First, solve the issues you draw from the past so you can finish this chapter and not bring them up in every upcoming argument.
Any problem you have in a relationship should be dealt with immediately and not ignored, because that way you only accumulate problems that become more important.
Resolution: If you are arguing, resolve the issue you are arguing about and resolve other issues separately as soon as possible.
When arguing, you need to stick to a specific issue. If another issue persists, take the time to talk about it.
Once you’ve solved the first problem, you can start solving the second.
2. You blame the other person.
When you’re angry or upset, it’s easy to point fingers and say things like “you’re doing this wrong” or “you’re doing that wrong”.
These are phrases that will inevitably put your partner in a defensive position. Instead of a healthy, constructive conversation, your disagreement quickly becomes a blame game that is neither useful nor productive.
Solution: To express your feelings, start with yourself.
Instead of blaming your partner with words, steer the conversation towards how certain behavior is affecting you.
A simple way to do this is to use the word “I”. For example, instead of saying, “You’re making me angry because you’re not listening to me,” you can say, “I’m angry because I feel like you’re not listening to me.”
Also, don’t say “I feel like you,” “I feel betrayed,” “I feel like you’re lying,” in every sentence, because that too sounds like an accusation.
The word “feel” needs to be accompanied by the actual feelings you are experiencing, whether it be frustration, anger, disappointment, or something else.
3. They use terms like “always” and “never”
Similarly, another common mistake is to use generalizing phrases, words like “always,” “never,” “every time,” and similar phrases that further deepen disputes.
Not only do these hyperbolic utterances lead to your partner’s defensive reaction, but they can also overwhelm you with feelings of helplessness or a feeling that the problem is too big to solve.
Solution: Avoid exaggerations in the language!
As tempting as it may be, it’s best to stay away from the terms “always” and “never.” Instead, try to focus on what you are feeling and experiencing in the present.
By explaining how this particular case makes you feel, you can address the current issue instead of digging up the past.
First, try using less extreme words like “sometimes” or “occasionally.”
4. They fold their arms or avoid eye contact
Even if you’re not aware of it all the time, your body language can mean a lot, especially when you fold your arms, roll your eyes, clench your fists, or point a finger at another person.
These behaviors may unintentionally signal that you are not open to conversation. You can even instill a sense of aggression in your partner.
Solution: Pay attention to body language.
Rather than allowing your body language to convey negativity, try using it to your advantage to better communicate the point you want to emphasize.
Make sure you maintain eye contact, as this shows your partner that you are giving them your full, undivided attention.
5. You criticize too harshly
Criticism will crop up in any relationship, but when it’s expressed unconstructively, problems arise. A verbal attack on your partner’s character can spell the end of a relationship.
Solution: Keep your criticism constructive.
For constructive criticism, focus on your partner’s specific behavior, not their character.
For example, start a sentence with “I love you” or “I care about you” before going into how you feel about something.
Then you can end up with something like “I want us to work this out together, how can we do this?”.
6. They scold
When arguments become intense or emotionally charged, it’s easy to verbally abuse, insult, or even swear at your partner.
But this bad habit inevitably does more harm than good. When that happens, communication stops.
They no longer argue about an issue, but attack a person’s character and attack who they are.
Solution: Take a proactive pause to better understand your feelings.
Instead of insulting and yelling, proactively pause to notice how you are feeling.
If you’re able to acknowledge your feelings, even for just two or five minutes a day, you can avoid doing things that you’ll regret later.
7. You fight at the wrong time place
Sometimes disagreements come at the worst possible time, but that doesn’t mean you should flare things up here and there.
Maybe you’re out in public or with the kids. Whatever the reason, fighting in these situations can often lead to additional anger, embarrassment, and shame.
And the argument can only escalate further.
Solution: Agree on a time and place for the interview.
If you and your partner often butt heads, try to take some time to go over everything you need to know.
So make sure you’re ready for a serious conversation.
In particular, it can be a time when the two of you are alone to make sure your argument doesn’t affect others around you.
8. You ignore your partner and just stay silent
While it’s important to take a break when you need it, it’s just as important not to break up with your partner. Avoid silence, refusal to speak, or physically leaving the room.
Solution: Prioritize healthy conversations.
One way couples can break this bad habit is to cooperate with each other in finding solutions instead of continuing to highlight problems.
Try to convey your feelings directly. And if you’re the one ignoring, tell the other person how you feel.
Tell your partner how some things affect you or how their behavior affects you. Then suggest what you would like to do to solve things and try to find a common solution.
9. You focus too much on your differences
It can often seem like you and your partner are arguing over and over again about the same things with absolutely no resolution in sight.
When that happens, it’s easy to focus on all the differences you both have, which can sometimes create even more discord in a relationship.
Solution: Find a common language.
It’s natural for you and your partner to have different opinions and beliefs, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a common language at all.
So often your values seem to conflict, and when we dig deeper, we find that our values are a lot more alike than we think.
If you and your partner seem to be coming from two completely different directions, take a minute to reflect on some of the core values that you both have.
For example, that you both love each other and want to find a solution. This could make your relationship even stronger.