How to move on when you see your ex every day

“Sometimes you just have to delete the messages, delete the numbers and move on. You don’t have to forget who that person was to you, you just have to accept that they aren’t that person anymore.”

Dear Clara,

I do not know where to start. I loved this girl who completely broke my heart. Our relationship was a mess! You’d think I’d be glad we’re over, but I’m completely lost. She was my first love but unfortunately, we let so many little things come between us like what other people thought. Everyone should say, “How can you love someone who has treated you so badly?”

How am I supposed to answer that? I used to be able to say it because they didn’t know it as well as I did. But now I don’t even know who she is. We went from talking every day to not even being able to look at each other and now sadly I’m forced to see her every day! That would be okay if I could stop wondering how she can just move on.

Doesn’t she see how much she hurts me? Why doesn’t anyone understand that if it were easy to forget her, I would have done it long ago? The real question I’d like to have answered is: How am I supposed to move on when I have to see her every day?

I would be grateful for any advice! I just need someone who understands what I’m going through right now.

Kind regards,

A confused train wreck

Good news. I don’t know where to start either. I also don’t think you’re happy that your confusing, messy relationship is over. My god, I feel like the hardest part is letting go. We should still fight for her, you know? We feel like they haven’t even started yet, that if we could just clean up the mess, if we could just get some answers, then the love would be there.

Huge, fantastic, unshakeable, unassailable love. I dont know. I think sometimes we need to be forced out of love, or maybe out of the image we have of it.

But both can also be good for us. Losing someone against our will can be good for us. Falling into the fantasy rather than the reality of a relationship can be good for us. We need these experiences at least once in our lives.

We need to feel what it’s like to be deprived of something and someone. We need to know what it’s like to never really touch anything, never to have someone as we think they can be. We have to let people escape. We have to be the one who falls behind, and sometimes we also have to be the one who slips first.

If you want to know, you have to weather the various storms of love. You have to take on the burden of your feelings, you have to learn how far you are willing to let yourself be dragged down, you have to realize what love is not, you have to discover what love means to you.

Lucky for you, you’re in the middle of one of those storms, and I don’t think it’s a curse.

Being forced to see your ex every day is actually a blessing. (Although you’ve probably never heard this before.) Listen, my point of view isn’t very popular. I know it. If you search the internet, you will come across very different pieces of advice. But I believe that doing what is not easily done is a good and strong answer. Because the advice that is followed most often is often the simplest advice; And simple doesn’t make you stronger, darling.

Simple will not prepare you for the darker dramas and your bolder dreams. And I want you to be prepared for this. I want you to risk yourself again. I want you to see your ex every damn day. I don’t want you to move on. Not with a snap of your fingers. I want you to move into this. Into the resistance, into the sadness , into the confusion. I want you to move into your chaos.

If there’s something you want to move on to right away, it’s what other people think. Leave behind what everyone is assuming. If your friends can’t help you, get good at helping yourself now. You will need this in the future. Your friends shouldn’t ask you how you can love someone who has treated you so badly. This is how they make fun of you, whether they know it or not.

The friends who belong to your circle of friends should not ask you how, but why. Why do you love someone who treated you so badly?

I loved someone who mistreated me when I mistreated myself. Loving her was just a continuation of that I suppose. But I’ve also loved men who treated me badly, because I didn’t believe that badness was an accurate representation of their overall character and because I couldn’t imagine that it represented the extent of their love for me.

Sometimes we even love those who treat us badly because we don’t know where else to go, and this hell hole is better than nothing. Or at least we think so. Sometimes it’s not that we love the person who treats us badly, it’s that we tolerate them. There are many reasons for this, but the only one that matters is yours.

In order to move forward as you wish, this question must be answered. Not from your friends, your family, not from me, but from you. You may not know. I don’t expect that at all, because I know that answers crystallize through perspective. And I’m confident that meeting your ex on a daily basis, even if only remotely, will lead to a better perspective.

The reality is that you can’t get the perspective you need through avoidance, even if people want you to believe you can.

That’s the advice I mean, and it’s the consensus on Google. Avoid your ex. Facebook has even developed a feature that rewards avoidance, which I caution against. It’s a feature that allows you to “hide your ex-boyfriends from you after a breakup”. As I understand it, it’s a feature you can use to hide from your ex-boyfriends after a breakup.

However, hiding doesn’t mean that the ex or the feelings you have are really gone. It just distracts from your burden. At some point, what we avoid always comes along and brings us to our knees.

It is best if you face your lovesickness. Don’t let it get you down and then you can build yourself up again. Cry until you can’t cry anymore. It is working. And it will strengthen you.

Listen, I know it’s painful to see someone you love move on with their life without you. Nothing breaks my heart more than when the person who was my world becomes a stranger. This change is so terrifying and can feel like the ultimate betrayal.

But pretending it doesn’t exist, like that change isn’t happening, doesn’t help you heal yourself from the reality that it’s there, from the reality that you and your ex don’t want to look at each other anymore, though you really can. You can be the one who doesn’t look away. You can challenge yourself to be the braver heart in the room.

My advice is don’t avoid what’s in front of you, avoid it. Become that brave heart by standing close to the one you loved. Even if you tremble, you are human, tremble. This is precious time. You are hungry and hurt and you want love and you will see it clearly for years to come. Eventually your heartache will subside and your nerves will calm down and you will slowly dare to love again and when that happens you will be so thankful that you had what you had and you know what you know.

The people I know who rush those opportunities, who never went “there” after breaking up with an ex, who always managed to move on immediately, are also the people who see their ex years later and right next to them pass. This can look like indifference, this can look like someone who has moved on, but in reality this is how a person reacts when controlled by the weight of another person’s presence.

you avoid them. They’re hiding. They become little, shy versions of themselves. They’re not proud of it either, but they can’t take it any other way. And so they live on, with an unsolved heart that wishes it were free.

One of my favorite quotes comes from the film The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby: “When you run away from things, you start a whole you-going-away story.” That’s a chilling sentence that begs the question: what kind of story do you want?

You said that you wouldn’t mind seeing your ex every day if you could stop wondering why she walked away from you. My advice: Don’t confuse an ex who’s avoiding you with an ex who’s walked away from you. While they may look the same, they are not the same. The difference is that the person who has moved away from you can approach you without hurting their heart; she can take care of you without fear of falling back in here where she doesn’t belong anymore. tell me who do you wanna be

I know who I want to be.

I want to be the one who can show up.

I want to be the one who cares.


As you meet with your ex each day, remind yourself of your choices and the consequences—the stories—that result from either avoiding or confronting your reality. I can tell you firsthand that defying your heart will take raw emotion. You will sometimes feel wounded. You will feel left behind. You will be angry with yourself for the imperfection you have become. But don’t make a fool of yourself for your feelings.

When you see your ex, when you feel incomplete, don’t think for a second that it’s because you’re missing something, because you don’t deserve something. Remember that there are not only benefits to doing what everyone is doing, but there are even more benefits to not thinking the way everyone thinks. Remember that the easier way is not the stronger way. And you’re writing to me because you want to get strong. Because you know you can be too.

Whatever you feel after your breakup, you feel it because life demands you. It hurts because you’re doing it right. You grow through the pain. That’s what constitutes incompleteness. It is the space you have made for new life to flow in, new love, new questions, new answers, new confusion; it is the space you have created because you want more of yourself.

how do you carry on You remember the more you want. You remind yourself that it is no longer what you have done or what you had.

how do you get on You accept challenges that demand more of you.

  • You move forward by surprising yourself by living in ways you never thought possible.
  • You continue by saying hello to your ex as you pass her in the hallway.
  • You move on by not looking away from everything that was important to you in life.
  • You move forward by not being afraid to care more, by being the one who cares the most.
  • You move on by not pretending you’ve moved on.
  • You go further by taking your time.

Be brave. be tender You can do it, my friend.

How to move on when you see your ex every day

zodiac shine

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