“Two months ago, I was resting in Sochi , where I met a man of my dreams – a tall, handsome brunette. He is from St. Petersburg. It was the best week in my life, I fell in love like crazy! He read poetry to me, whispered such words in my ear that I simply froze with delight, promised to come to my city, to take me to me … But now the time is passing, and there is no answer, no greetings from him. I’m calling him – he doesn’t pick up the phone, and when he picks up, the conversation turns out about nothing, and he quickly finishes it, referring to employment. I’m going crazy, crying all day, I don’t want to live. What should I do?”.
Here is a letter I received recently from my client. I am more than sure that her case was painfully familiar to many. Not everyone has the same story, and not everyone has resort romance, but one way or another, almost all women have faced similar cases when we could not distinguish the romance from a serious relationship.
What happens when exactly a romance happens, what feelings and emotions are guided by a man and a woman, and why our heroine could not distinguish the romance from a serious relationship and is now suffering? The man whom she met showed her how to care for a woman, moreover, in a rather sophisticated form. And the woman from this made the conclusion that they will now live together happily ever after, give birth to a couple of beautiful kids and buy a house in the village. Although such a conclusion is hardly to be rushed. Because the relationship between a man and a woman should develop gradually, the feelings that arise should be checked by time. Well, the resort is a great place to relax, and not at all in order to learn, understand and truly love a person. Falling in love is, of course, possible, but falling in love …
Still, the love between a man and a woman is not at all a passionate love when there is a sea of romance, serenades under the window, poems in your ear, and a stunning intimacy. This is most likely spiritual, inner, psychological intimacy, in the good sense of the word – affection. Passion, on the contrary, only prevents this proximity from arising. After all, how often do we encounter examples when we are told and asked: “At the beginning, everything was like in a fairy tale, and then something happened to the relationship?” So I have a counter question: are you sure that this was a serious relationship at all, maybe it was just passion? And when it was exhausted, did your “relationship” end? When a “s*xual dominant” arises in a person’s head, the consciousness takes its service and begins to idealize the object of love in every possible way. And we begin to think that here she is true love! We do not see at all what is actually, but what we are pleased to see in a person is something like a light hallucination.
It’s hard enough to understand what is happening in your lover’s head at that moment. Perhaps he also fell in love, but when the first enthusiasm passed, he thought: “What am I doing here?” And backed off. Or maybe he saw that you fell in love, and he really liked to play the role of a kind of Don Juan. Actually, this is where the “fairy tale” ends and the “harsh everyday life” begins.
So is it worth it now to worry, cry and be sad? Of course, it’s not worth it, because you lost what you really never had. In this case, you simply lost the illusion, the fantasy that it would be wonderful if …
Therefore, dear ladies, if something similar happens to you, you don’t need to torment yourself like that, you just need to draw the right conclusions. It is necessary to learn to understand that where there is “frantic passion”, in principle, love is not the place. Of course, there are exceptions, but there are so few of them that you should learn from the mistakes of other people, so as not to make your own.