Whether you are happily married, planning a marriage soon, you know all the rules of a happy and successful marriage, or are looking for inspiration on how to build a strong, happy, and long-lasting marriage, you could learn from an inspirational extract about marriage, authentic Love and mutual growth benefit from the bestseller The Road Less Traveled by American psychiatrist and author M. Scott Peck.
“When it comes to couples, my wife and I draw the analogy between marriage and a mountaineering base camp. If you want to climb mountains, you have to have a good base camp, a place where there is shelter and provisions, where you can be fed and rest before you start looking for a new summit again.
Successful mountaineers know that they have to spend at least as much time, if not more, to their base camp than they actually do mountaineering, because their survival depends on making sure that their base camp is stable and well built Is provided.
A common and traditionally male marital problem arises from the husband who, once married, devotes all his energies to mountaineering and none to nurturing his marriage or his base camp, expecting it to be there in perfect order whenever he or she decides to return there for rest and relaxation without taking any responsibility for its upkeep.
Sooner or later this “capitalist” approach to the problem fails and he returns to find his shabby base camp in ruins as his neglected wife has been hospitalized for a nervous breakdown, ran away with another man, or otherwise on her job has waived as a warehouse manager.
An equally common and traditionally female marital problem arises from the wife who, once married, feels that the goal of her life has been achieved. For them, the base camp is the summit. She cannot understand or empathize with her husband’s need for accomplishments and experiences beyond marriage and reacts to this with jealousy and the never-ending demand that he devote more and more energy to the home.
Like other “communist” solutions to the problem, this one creates a relationship that is suffocating and crippling, from which the husband, feeling trapped and restricted, is likely to escape in a moment of “midlife crisis”. – The less travelled route – M. Scott Peck
These are the common relationship problems that can arise in any marriage or partnership.
I’ve compiled a list of four golden rules that can help you bypass these stumbling blocks and build a happy, successful, fulfilling, and long-lasting marriage.
Here are 4 golden rules for you to use to build a happy marriage
1) Choose your fights wisely.
No two people can think or agree with each other on every point. When you are in a relationship with someone there is bound to be disagreement, disagreement, and conflict.
One person may have different spending habits, another may have different desires, one person may have different dreams, another may have different desires, one may be introverted and the other may be extroverted.
When you are living with someone there would be many cases that would lead to disagreement. But the wisdom lies in choosing your battles wisely.
Not everything requires your attention and is not worth fighting for. And even if you disagree, there is a certain way to get your point across without getting personal or offending the other person.
It is always better to process your feelings and emotions objectively before starting a conversation with your partner. If you simply express your feelings to your partner without filters or objectivity, in the heat of the moment you can say or do things that you will later regret and that can badly tarnish your relationship.
2) Learn the importance of accepting and celebrating differences.
As we discussed, there are no two people who think or do things alike. Accepting and celebrating differences goes a long way toward maintaining peace and harmony.
Everyone has different love languages and a different way of doing things. For example, some people are verbally expressive and their love language is words of affirmation, while some people enjoy doing things and their love language is service.
You should spend some time observing and understanding your partner’s love language and accepting and appreciating it, otherwise they will continue to express their love in their own way and you would totally miss them because they differ from yours own love language.
For example, whenever I was upset, I would expect my partner to give me verbal assurances to comfort me, but he just wouldn’t talk and would give me some time off.
It was really frustrating for me. It was only after I communicated with him and asked him why he was doing the same that I understood that it was his way of expressing love by giving me the time and space to process my feelings.
It is important to communicate with your partner to understand why he is doing what he is doing. Sometimes we just misinterpret their intentions and fail to understand their love language and completely overlook the love they are trying to express.
Another example: my partner is a perfectionist and has a to-do list for everything and follows the structure while being more relaxed, spontaneous and enjoying being in the flow of being creative.
At first my partner would get really upset and think that I was just relaxed to tease him, but once he understood that it’s just how I am wired and how I act in life and it’s not personal, he could Understand and accept my way of doing things.
Understanding and celebrating differences is very important so that you can give each other the space to flourish in your highest potential without stifling each other’s freedom or creativity.
3) fight clean.
“The other day my grandma said to me,“ When you argue, the two of you should remember that you are both fighting the problem and not you are fighting it, ”and that hit me hard.
As we discussed, having disagreements or conflicts in a relationship is inevitable, but it is important to remember that whenever a problem arises, the point is that two people are against the problem and not against each other.
When two people approach a conflict using this approach to being a team, they can get their point across without offending or saying meanly to the other person. The intention is to resolve a conflict, not to put the other person down.
Therefore, as two mature adults, it is very important to fight cleanly rather than let the emotions sink in.
4) Work as a team.
A relationship is about working as a team. It’s not about individual success and happiness; it’s about the growth and happiness of both partners.
Finding the partner halfway is important in finding happiness in both partners rather than just thinking about how you are doing.
For example, both partners can have different vacation styles. You can enjoy lazing around and you can be adventurous and enjoy exploring the place. One can be introverted and at home and need more quiet time to refuel, the other can be extroverted and like to socialize to refuel.
But when you’re in a relationship, you need to learn to balance your partner’s preferences and lifestyle with your own and pull together as a team.
It’s about coming together and inspiring one another so that you can reach your highest potential without losing your own individuality, and building a happy marriage in the long run.