You’ve been in love, but your opponent has not reciprocated your feelings? ” It’s complicated ” describes your relationship status, although it might “do better with the pink glasses on “? Do not worry, you’re not alone with that. There are many women who have once been confronted with unrequited love.
Perhaps you are thinking about a future together day in and day out, while your supposed man of the heart probably does not want to get much out of your friendship (or friendship plus ). That seems hard to you and demands a lot from you.
” This time he is the right one, ” says your heart. Your head thinks that maybe he is not the target yet.
In the following sections, we will explain how to recognize unrequited love and how to handle it. Plus an extra tip on how to be happy alone without a partner!
Unrequited Love: What does that mean exactly?
Do you remember the time as a teenager? This youthful enthusiasm of being a fan? To the Justin Biebers of your time? Maybe your room was full of posters and the number one topic of conversation was your crush. That, too, is a form of unrequited love.
The difference: At the time, you were aware that these ” types ” are unreachable.
The crush of today is almost the same. Except that the man of your desire is in a range this time. The chance that the enthusiasm is underpinned by the proximity, this time is bigger. The greater the likelihood that you’ll fall in love with him and become the man of your dreams.
And suddenly it happened (again). Your heart says ” yes “, your head most likely too. Now the only question is: Does he feel the same way for you?
If your dream man does not reflect your feelings, we speak of unrequited love. Often, a one-sided, idealized and over-romanticized affection emanates from one person. Also approaching is often unilaterally and in only a few cases is fully authorized by the other person.
If you seek physical closeness with him, it may be that your crush returns them. But perhaps you feel that just in moments of intimacy, you do not get the emotional warmth you desire. This half, but not complete, the response can be very exhausting.
Mostly you feel an ” invisible ” connection between you and your dream partner, a great liking. Here’s what’s important: Even if you’re a more rational person, you may be more emotional than usual in such situations.
Sometimes the story of unrequited love begins with a good friendship. Often with a one-night stand, which became a hot affair. Remarkably often, it is the man who initiates the initial spark and then retires without warning (for various reasons).
The category of men you should enjoy with caution
Do you fall in love (repeatedly) with men who do not or only partly reciprocate your feelings? There are probably some men who are unaware of their feelings. So you do not get caught up in this kind of men, here are four different types of men who may not reciprocate your love:
Type 1: The man who never grows up
Do you still know Peter Pan, the boy who never wanted to grow up? There are men who just do not want to grow up, take no responsibility – psychologically, this is called the Peter Pan syndrome.
The emotional maturing process of growing up has simply left them out. Behind it may be a difficult relationship with the mother may be.
Type 2: the unreachable
- The boss,
- the married (or forgiven) man
- or a friend of your girlfriend …
… does this type of man really appeal to you? Compared to the teenage raptures, these men are somehow accessible this time, but morally a border zone.
You may like to play with this fire, but you probably already know that he will not choose you.
Type 3: The man who resembles your father
Sigmund Freud, the famous psychoanalyst, has found that if we can not identify enough with the mother as a child, the daughter feels overly attached to the father. This pattern can then be transferred to the search pattern for a suitable partner; We know this as a so-called ” father complex “.
If you find many parallels between your partner’s and your father’s qualities, you may unconsciously target men similar to your father.
Type 4: The ex-boyfriend
The ex-boyfriend. You probably experienced a lot with him. He shaped you. Here it is important: It does not necessarily depend on the number of your ex-friends or how long your last relationship has come from.
Unconsciously you are looking for men with the same behavioral patterns. At the same time, you are looking for men who you can play the same role as your ex-partners.
The challenge lies in the fact that similar behavioral patterns of the partners can cause you to have recurring patterns of behavior that were not conducive to a relationship.
Basically, finding a partner is largely based on our genes. Both s*xes are geared specifically towards finding a partner in the search for a partner. After Darwin, especially the best genes prevail. In other words, we instinctively seek a better or at least genetically similar partner.
It can sometimes happen that you (or rather your genes) chose him, but he may not have chosen you. Just because your genetic material does not match.
Love stays out? Also, examine yourself
Do you often fall in love with men who do not reflect your feelings? This can be an indication of reduced self-confidence.
Your self-esteem may have been lessened because you have been in love once or more than once with unhappy love. Do not worry, this is usually only a temporary condition. Nevertheless, you may check for yourself why this may be.
If your last relationship has recently broken, you’re more likely to seek a kind of ” transitional relationship .”
After a breakup, we often long for attention and love. Likewise, we do not necessarily want to commit ourselves to someone new. Men also sometimes look after a failed relationship, a consolation prize, to handle the pain of separation better.
Be honest with yourself: Do you want to be a consolation for someone ?! Probably your answer to this is: ” No! “
Think about it for a moment: Do you know this one person who is already moving to the next permanent partner shortly after the end of a relationship? This is usually an indication that this person may be having trouble being alone.
Are you really in love or are you unconsciously fooling yourself?
You may notice again and again that you have been falling in love lately unhappily. Then your subconscious mind can tell you, ” I want to protect you. “Maybe your heart wants to unconsciously protect you from a tight bond and thus from possible injuries.
The catch on the story: In this situation, you mostly stay in the dreamer mode. You may want to fall in love and find a partner, but a pattern in you unconsciously insists on self-protection.
That’s why you’re probably looking for ” desperate ” love affairs.
Grounds in this case, which means that you can no longer get involved in a partner. If this applies to you, please do not worry, because by recognizing the pattern, you have already taken the first and most important step.
A step-by-step guide to acute situations:
Unrequited love happens more often than you think. Even if you are currently in a situation where your feelings and your love are not reciprocated: you need not be ashamed of it.
Almost all of us have gone crazy before, both men and women (and we do not necessarily mean the teenage time!). Even Goethe wrote in ” The Sorrows of Young Werther ” about the unfulfilled love – and probably meant to himself.
We would like to give you a step-by-step guide to help you deal with this situation in the future.
Step 1:
Maybe you are currently in the situation of unrequited love again, so the first step is hard and may even appear radical: Get the jump! Even if it hurts, a (provisional) contact cancellation means: out of sight, out of mind.
The sooner you do that, the sooner you’ll feel better. To avoid a similar situation in the future, let go of affairs or friendship Plus stories. Only if you are aware of your feelings and s*xuality, you can actively decide.
Step 2:
Presumably, your self-esteem has now fallen into the basement. That’s only understandable. Women, in particular, are prone to self-blame. After a period of unhappy falling in love, blaming yourself is the wrong way to go.
You probably know phrases like ” I’m not good/pretty/slim/*enough for him “. With these kinds of statements, you just pull yourself down. When the familiar affect you, just replace but the little word ” not ” and ” enough ” “to be“:
” I’m too good / pretty / slim / s*xy etc. for him! “
How does that feel? Probably a lot better. Take a break and try to change your mind. Whether it’s jogging, a long shopping trip with your girlfriends or a sweaty spinning class.
If that is not enough, treat yourself to a short trip to your dream city or with a friend in a wellness hotel. You’ll see: the greater distance and distraction will change your mind.
Step 3:
You may now think, ” But he is so adorable and maybe he still changes his mind? “Or” If I make an effort, he will definitely fall in love with me. “
In all likelihood, he will not do that. Because: If he was just as in love with you as you in him, you would probably have long been a couple. You may be good friends. Sometimes there are also friendly people who have developed true love out of friendship.
Maybe he’s just not aware at the moment that an undiscovered infatuation with you is slumbering in him.
Step 4:
You are worth being loved! Like to say that anytime.
Being rejected is often painful. Especially if you are very much in love. A tip from us: Stay as rational as possible. When you start to blame yourself, it probably worsens your emotional state.
Take responsibility and take a closer look at your situation: Presumably, when rationally looking at it, you will discover some things that you are less pleased with. If you are honest with yourself, then you may find that you probably do not fit together. See the situation as an opportunity to learn from these experiences.
Step 5:
Once you have changed your mind and overcome the feeling of self-pity, you will be surprised how quickly you can forget it.
Be aware: You, and only YOU have your life in hand.
You are not dependent on anything or anyone. And who knows, maybe you will soon meet your true love.
Because: You are perfect, just as you are!
Create a prevention plan
Please remember, too, to break the vicious circle of unrequited love, you can reflect yourself as honestly as possible.
Create a list
Just go through all the men in your thoughts, in which you were unfortunately in love. Write this in the first column. If you look more closely at your exiles, you may see a pattern.
Maybe they are all of the same ” guy ” guy? Or maybe they always hit the same weak spot in you?
In the second column, you can enter the times when you met these men. You were probably under stress at those times or have just come from a long relationship. Maybe you also had to deal with a new project and were busy 24/7.
You will probably see parallels between your phases of unhappy infatuation and the specific moments in your life.
It often happens that during particularly stressful times you yearn for affection and love and could slip into these ” relationships “.
Is that the case with you?
The more facts you gather, the more you can avoid these hurtful situations. Your results can help your nearest potential partner to see if he or she may respond to the same scheme and be extra vigilant.
Do not interpret too much!
Do not create patterns that do not exist. It may happen that after a failure you put all men in the same drawer.
But beware! It should not be about how they look or what they do. Rather, it’s about what they trigger in you.
Ask yourself the questions:” What may a man trigger in me? What do I expect from love? “
Maybe a break can be good for you. Sometimes it is better to retire for a while. Taking time for yourself can help you to reflect and discover possible patterns that have previously led to falling into the wrong men.
For example, you can also order a man to break yourself. Or also: no one-night stands or no more affairs with a forgiven man.
Love in the dream vs. reality
Think about what you dream of a partnership. Unfortunately, not all ideal images or dream concepts correspond to a love relationship of reality. This may also be due to the old patterns of your parents. So ask yourself how you have adopted unconscious patterns from your parents that repeatedly put you in a situation of unrequited love.
The media also tells us regularly which properties should have a relationship. That does not mean that you have to bury your dreams. Rather, it’s about letting go of outdated ideas.
Check your past relationships: Have your ex-partners fulfilled your dream ideas? They may have met your physical needs, but probably not all of your emotional needs.
Sort out old ideals, for example, that a man should earn a certain sum in his job or correspond to a particular physical image.
Our suggestion: Try to be as unbiased as possible and do not make your personal ideas of a ” dream man ” dependent on an ideal image.
Extra tip: be happy alone
Sometimes, women tend to feel complete only in a relationship. They make their luck solely dependent on a partner.
But life is made up of more than one relationship. Above all, one unrequited love after another can be a signal that you are making your happiness dependent on a man.
How you are happy alone until your next relationship
Do you know the saying, ” Only those who love themselves are loved? “This may prove true under certain circumstances. If you are not satisfied with yourself, no partner will probably make you happy.
Not only in love: not a new car or the new pair of shoes will make you happy in the long run. With this attitude, you create external dependencies and become afraid of losing your happiness again. However, if you are happy and satisfied with yourself, even unrequited love can not hurt you.
Become aware of this and look at your surroundings: sometimes people forget what they have already achieved and focus on everything they do not have.
Do the opposite: focus on the things you’ve already done. You will see, your state of mind will immediately turn into positive. With this attitude, you roll out the luck of the red carpet.
Being dependent on nothing and no one can offer you endless possibilities. First of all, you have your life in your own hands and you can design every single day as you like.
To be alone means: ” I am at peace with myself and feel very well. “Imagine what you can do alone – go shopping in peace, cook on what you feel like, enjoy a good book, dance in underwear on the bed to the Spice Girls. Whatever you want!
If you are happy alone, you will not only enjoy your life more, it will automatically turn you into a desirable human being. And your soulmate can come!
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