Do you feel like you “feel” past each other? You could turn yourself upside down because he just never really spends time with you? Will, he just not understand how important to you is togetherness? That you only feel loved in this way? And if you do not care about the box of chocolates he brings you, if he does not spend time with you? Dear reader, this sounds like a clear case for the 5 languages of love.
At this point, we can calm you down. You do not need to use verbal violence in the relationship to make you feel loved.
You do not necessarily have to change the relationship.
Instead, the 5 languages of love can be your solution.
Because this situation indicates very strongly that you are in a classic ” relationship misunderstanding “.
The 5 languages of love – A practical example (you)
Take the example from above. When you spend time together, you truly feel loved. You are happy, balanced, you can not get enough of it. It is also the greatest gift for you to give it all your attention.
And that by you
- actively listening
- Do things with him that you two like to do,
- regularly call a romantic couple time.
If he does not listen and spends time with you while smoking and watching Netflix series with you, you probably feel unloved and offended.
He may say, ” Honey, we’re spending time together, what else am I supposed to do? “
The love between you is strong, but she just can not find a way for you because you just do not feel loved if he does not listen to you.
Gary Chapman, an American pastor, relationship and relationship consultant, and author of The Five Languages of Love would now say, ” My dear, your love tank is empty. It needs to be topped up a bit to make you feel loved again. “
The 5 Languages of Love – A Practical Example (Er)
He loves presents. When he gives presents and receives gifts, he feels on cloud 7. He is then happy, balanced and feels loved.
If he does not receive any gifts, he feels less loved. On the other hand, he feels even less appreciated when he sees his presents lying unopened in the corner.
She may say, ” I do not understand why I have to give you something to make you feel loved! I spend time with you constantly and you do not even appreciate it! Should I give you something now? “
He is most likely frustrated and wonders if he can save this relationship. Because that’s the way love should not feel for him.
Even his ” love tank ” is empty and calls for love, to feel loved again.
What now – quality time or gifts?
She feels unloved because he spends little quality time with her, showering her with gifts instead.
He feels unloved because he receives little gifts from her and instead she just wants to spend time with him and ” talk “.
Does this sound familiar to you? Maybe you also show your love in a different way, for example through physical attention?
Do you like cuddling, and he comparatively little? Does he often want to help you, and you just do not understand why someone sacrifices in this way?
According to the model of Gary Chapman, you both speak (using the last examples) different love languages. What does that mean and what expressions are there? You will find it out now!
And do not worry – here there is no separation in spite of love …
The 5 languages of love
According to Gary Chapman, there are 5 languages of love: five languages with which love is communicated and expressed.
If you speak two different languages of love, you literally love each other. Then it’s only natural that you get along less well and create frustrating situations (as above).
With his model, Gary Chapman argues that each of us speaks at least one or two – the primary and secondary love language.
This means that each of us has a maximum of 2 ways to communicate his love, which he understands and expresses very well.
Love can be communicated in these ways
1. Words of affection
This love language you speak mainly with words:
- Many love confessions
- Common ” I love you “
- Love letters and poetry
- praise and recognition
For example, if your husband (in his love language) gives up his entire life for his job to bring home enough money, gives you all the handbags in the world, a wonderful standard of living and does not tell you that he loves you (words of affection) , you are probably not happy with each other.
If you do not know how your partner expresses his affection, you will not perceive these efforts as a confession of love.
2. Gifts and small attentions
Your partner is richly gifted when gifts and attentions are your love language.
This has little to do with materialism. It is less about the size of the gift, but about the affective gesture through which love flows. Gifts and small attentions can be:
- The chocolate bar from the gas station.
- The surprise bouquet.
- The spontaneous meal invitation.
- The spontaneously bought concert tickets.
In doing so, you usually give a little something in return without any expectations.
Your affection is expressed through help and support. And that, too if you do not feel like it, because you’re just cuddled in your comforter. If this is your love language, you will spend a lot of time and energy to make your partner’s life easier.
If you already know how much he hates the ironing of his shirts, you’ll probably iron his shirts. If he knows how much you’re putting the garbage down in front of you, he’ll do it for you, without hesitation.
When you express your love through help, you do so without any sense of duty or expecting anything in return. You just like to do it from the heart.
4. Quality Time
Your highest love confession is the life that you spend with your partner. However, you do not express your affection by passive juxtaposition next to the computer. You also do not do it by sitting at a romantic dinner on your smartphone.
You do it in the form of interesting conversations, great ventures, new experiences. Or discussing a movie or the last book read.
People who express their affection through high-quality couple time will do anything to give their partner all the attention in the world. They do this by listening actively, planning a lot of time together, and enjoying the time of togetherness.
5. Physical proximity
Through physical closeness, intimacy and tenderness, you show your affection. However, you should distinguish these from s*xual needs, because in this kind of closeness, emotional closeness is given. If this is your love language, you will probably express your love in the form of hugs, tender touches, holding hands, or a pat on the back.
Often, these people still express their affection over the act of love – for them, there is nothing better than s*x with you. The difference is to be close to you through lovemaking rather than your own s*xual gratification.
Could you find out for yourself which is your primary and secondary form of communication? Could you also recognize your partner in it? Then the following is your solution.
Learning the language of the other
Now that you know what your primary and secondary love language is, it’s time to track down your partner. The best way to do that is to ask him directly.
Maybe he also needs some time to find out for himself. That’s okay.
Now think about it:
- How can you show your affection with your language?
- What can you do to give him your affection in his love language?
- What can he do in your love language for you to feel loved?
Your primary love language is helpfulness. He expresses his love with words of affection. You can help him with your primary way of communicating when he needs your help. Furthermore, while you help him, you can accommodate a few compliments. Or tell him more often that you love him.
Ask your partner and find out what he really wants. Give yourself enough time and be patient – learning your partner’s language takes some time.
My dear, we hope you have been able to find out your way of expressing the 5 languages of love. Furthermore, we hope that you can go out of this article full of verve and maybe dissolve your current relationship problem.