We were on a break !
This is perhaps the most well-known phrase on television. Remember Ross Geller talking about his adventures while on a “break” with Rachel Green?
Finally, break… We still don’t know for sure if they were on a break or not! I find that this sentence in itself perfectly represents the spirit of the romantic relationships that mark our generation.
In no relationship time passes without a trace. Failure to resolve issues often leads to separation. Some want to give their relationship another chance and try to take a break for a while.
But taking a break from a relationship can be both an opportunity and a risk.
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Why is it appropriate to take a break in your relationship?
You are no longer happy in your relationship, but you don’t know why? Nevertheless, is love always so great that a separation is out of the question for you?
So maybe taking a break from your relationship can help you get to the bottom of the issues.
Taking a break from a relationship or opting for a temporary separation means that the partners go their separate ways for a while in order to take some distance from the situation.
What exactly this break looks like, each couple must determine for themselves.
Over time, many couples lose sight of exactly what they loved about their partner and why they fell in love. Differing viewpoints and relationship issues can also mean it might seem like a good idea to take a break.
A little free time can help you reorganize. Men and women have time for themselves and can wonder if they want to fight for their love.
In concrete terms, the following reasons are often decisive:
1. It’s important to take a break if an argument has escalated
Then he returned the favor by stressing out your lack of organization.
Then of these small details, you made mountains. Now you can’t stand each other anymore and you can’t even listen to the other breathe.
2. You can take a break if you feel alienated
For example, you may feel that you have made too many compromises and sacrifices in your relationship.
For example, if you’ve walked away from your group of friends because your partner doesn’t like them. Or if you no longer give time to your passions because Mr. prefers that you spend your time with him…
So you get lost. You no longer know who you are as an individual. And you don’t do much that makes you happy anymore. At that time, taking a break is even vital for you!
3. When infidelity or lack of trust sets in, taking a break is essential
Before making a decision that you might regret, taking a break from a relationship can be the moment when you will weigh the pros and cons.
On the one hand, you are heartbroken because your partner has been unfaithful. The trust between you is not as strong as before. So you want to break up and take back your freedom.
On the other hand, his infidelity doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you anymore. Or that you no longer love him. If the affair only happened once and your partner agrees to couples therapy, can you imagine giving them a second chance?
Taking a break is the perfect time to think about these options.
4. Hurt feelings are another reason to take a break.
Cheating isn’t the only thing that can hurt you. Your partner may, for example, take you for granted. Which means he doesn’t take the time to make you happy anymore.
Or he’s not grateful for everything you do for him. The list of male behaviors that can hurt a woman is as long as an arm. And honestly, you don’t even need a reason to feel inferior or hurt because of your man.
And when you start to feel that way, it’s important to take a step back. Taking a break is therefore a way of summarizing what you need and what your partner is able to offer you.
5. Jealousy can be a big source of tension.
Infidelity is of course a valid source of jealousy. But it is not the only one. For example, you may be jealous of his professional success (or vice versa).
The relationship you have with your family can also be a source of jealousy. In short, you understand me. If you are not equal in all areas of life, this insidious feeling can seep between you.
Taking a break is therefore the perfect time for each of you to reassess your life and your position within the couple.
6. When your love life isn’t satisfying, taking a break is a way to bring the counter back to zero.
This is a tricky subject. Is love important in a couple?
In my opinion, yes! It is one of the pillars of a romantic relationship. So, if your love life isn’t satisfying, can you stay together?
Can you fix things, make them better?
Taking a break is when you will assess the importance of love to you. But also what you can do to improve this area of your life so that you are both happy.
Before taking a break, what rules should you establish?
It is not enough to insert a pause. Taking a break in your relationship means much more than a temporary separation from each other. If you really want to save your love, there’s a lot of work to do.
Many see taking a break as a permanent separation. But this is the wrong approach. Anyone who is afraid of being alone and takes advantage of the break in the relationship to find a new partner before finally deciding to separate is not acting fairly towards the other person.
Of course, the feelings may not return and a separation will eventually occur, but first and foremost, you should take some time to give your relationship another chance.
For this to work, you need to clarify the following points among yourselves:
1. If you choose to take a break, how will you communicate?
How is the contact during the break? Is there a spatial separation, is there just no love? How often do you want to talk on the phone or meet?
All these points must be clarified beforehand. Especially when children are involved, reliable rules are needed so that the children do not lose contact with either parent.
2. Does taking a break allow you to go elsewhere?
Is it allowed to sleep, date or flirt with others during couple’s break? This is important in order to be able to maintain a certain confidence in the partner even during the break.
3. How long are you going to take a break?
It is important to set a time limit here. For the break in the relationship to be meaningful and have a positive effect on your couple, it should not be too short, but not too long either.
If it is too short, it will not serve its purpose. However, if it is too long, it may happen, especially in the case of spatial separation, that the partners move further apart and thus come a little closer to the final break.
The break must therefore last at least six weeks, but in no case longer than six months.
How to manage routine appointments such as weddings and anniversaries during the break in your relationship also needs to be clarified.
You should also discuss the potential outcome of the break with your partner. It should be clear that the break does not necessarily have the desired consequences. A potential divorce or final separation should also be discussed in advance.
Only spouses who have agreed and discussed all of these points should take a break from their relationship. But even during the break, there is a lot you can do to regain your lost happiness together.
How can you save your couple with a break in your relationship?
Staying together because you don’t want a divorce doesn’t make sense. A relationship must make both partners happy and that for a long time. If you’re at your wit’s end, but still don’t want to live apart from your partner, you should use the relationship break to work on the relationship and avoid a breakup.
It must be clear to both of them from the start that this will not be an easy time. After all, keeping your distance is not enough.
First, the terms of the break must be determined. If you wish, you can also write it down and have it signed by your partner so that the conditions can be recalled at any time.
Also, some feel more secure when they have a written promise from the other spouse.
Next, it’s important to really use the new time for yourself. Don’t think about your partner. Also focus on yourself and try to find a way to please yourself!
That doesn’t mean you should date other men. Focus more on hobbies that you may have neglected in recent years!
Because only those who are happy with themselves will also make their partner happy and stay happy together.
How to take a break while continuing to work on your relationship?
Over time, many couples lose sight of why they love their husband or wife. A few weeks of distance and spatial separation can bring you back to those little things.
At the same time, you can also see very well what little things bother the other and what stands in the way of a happy relationship.
While the contact is blocked, you can take breaks to meet your partner. It is important that the relationship is not discussed, but that you enjoy the time spent together.
A reliable tip in such a situation is a visit to a couple’s therapist. He can guide you through the relationship breakup and knows what steps you can take to give yourself a second chance.
Even if everything went well and you are already looking forward to a future together after the break, it should not be forgotten that a happy relationship requires constant work.
So learn from the experiences you have had and try to take them into account in your coexistence in the future as well.
Case by case: when taking a break is useful/useless
1. Your situation:
You actually feel good about your relationship, but for a while now you’ve been arguing with your partner all the time – little things can turn into big problems.
The partnership is quite an up and down at the moment.
The solution: taking a break is useless
Such phases happen, you don’t need a break in your relationship – rather take the time to regularly talk about your frustrations and seek solutions together.
If you can’t manage on your own, a relationship coach can help.
2. Your situation:
Everything is going over your head right now – your job, your partner’s expectations, maintaining friendships. Sometimes everything gets too complicated and you feel like you’re losing focus.
The solution: taking a break is useful
Taking a break from the relationship can help relieve you a bit, pay more attention to your own needs again, and realize where you are right now.
3. Your situation:
You think a lot about your relationship and wonder why you have doubts so often or what is really missing in your relationship. But so far you have not found an answer for yourself.
The solution: taking a break is useful
A temporary separation creates distance and allows you to see much more clearly – so it can be useful here.
4. Your situation:
You have had the impression for a while that you are no longer looking forward to seeing your partner again. Instead, you spend more and more time with friends or feel relieved when you spend time alone.
The solution: taking a break is not essential, but can help
You should find out if you still have something for each other or if the joy for each other has just fallen asleep.
5. Your situation:
Your partner has made quite a few mistakes. You talked about it, but right now your world is upside down and you don’t know how to continue your relationship.
The solution: taking a break will lead to separation
With a love break, you can know if your relationship still has a future. However, if you feel like you can’t trust her anymore, you should think about a breakup.
6. Your situation:
You’ve lived side by side in your relationship for a long time and you can’t quite remember the last time you felt closeness with each other.
Internally, you feel more like you’re done with the partnership.
The solution: taking a break is useless
A new distance can’t be resolved with even more distance, so pausing in this situation won’t help.
If you no longer have feelings for each other, but are only together out of habit, you should consider breaking up.
Take a break and then make a decision, how?
A temporary break is there to make a decision. For or against partnership. Some people do it very quickly, others need more time.
We have advice for you if you want to end the break early or if you are having trouble making a decision.
You may be making a clear decision for or against partnering as you are taking a break from your relationship. For example, because you miss your partner after only a few days – or because you realize the opposite.
If you want to end a hiatus in your relationship, talk openly with your partner and explain your reasons. If he does the same as you, you can break the break prematurely.
But you must also agree if he sticks to the originally agreed duration. Ultimately, both partners should have the opportunity to clarify their own feelings and needs.
Take a break, what behavior to adopt?
- Spend a lot of time with your friends and family
- Take time for your hobbies
- Try a new sport
- Consciously take care of yourself and your needs
Take a break in your relationship: the moment of decision
If you’re having trouble making a decision despite a breakup and enough distance, these questions can help you when the relationship breaks:
- Do I still have feelings for my partner?
- Am I ready to compromise on the future relationship?
- What do I expect from a relationship?
- Is it realistic that my partnership will fulfill my expectations in the future?
If you’ve put the relationship break behind you as planned, now it’s a matter of making a joint decision. Of course, it’s easier if you come to the same solution.
However, if you want a fresh start, but the other person wants a breakup, then you have to accept that decision. Having a relationship with someone who doesn’t want it can’t work long term.
If you’re still unsure how to proceed after the relationship breaks, couples therapy is often helpful.
Take a break to save your couple: the final word
If you’re at an emotional stalemate in your partnership, taking a break from the relationship can create distance and answer some questions.
It’s helpful for both of you to take advantage of the temporary separation to reflect on your behavior and the relationship in general. But of course, such a break also carries the risk of separating you.
It is therefore important that you always end a break in the relationship with a clarifying conversation. Discuss your decision together now, whether you want to get closer again after the relationship breaks up or to draw a line.
If you want to try a fresh start, then…
- Determine common action points that will strengthen your relationship.
- Realize that you need to keep working on your relationship even after the breakup.
- Pay attention to open communication and try not to let old conflicts resurface.
If separation is the only option for you, then…
- Justify your decision honestly and factually.
- Explain to your partner the knowledge you have acquired during the break.
- Take your experiences from the break with you to a new relationship.
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