Here are the 16 mistakes to avoid after a breakup
What are the mistakes to avoid after a breakup?
A world seems to be collapsing.
The first days and weeks after a breakup are terrible.
Make sure you don’t aggravate them further by making stupid mistakes!
Suddenly being alone is terrible.
You miss your ex.
Or, at least, that’s what you think.
Indeed, what you miss above all are the feelings of love, support and friendship.
Anyway, you feel infinitely sad, life is no longer fun.
There are several strategies you can use to deal with a breakup.
Some people need variety and need to be around people all the time.
Others seek solitude first and need time for themselves.
Find out what helps you, what makes you feel better.
But please, after a breakup, keep in mind the mistakes to avoid.
Otherwise, things will definitely get worse for you.
What are the mistakes to avoid after a breakup?
I know it…
You want to stalk your ex’s every move.
You want to know where he is, what he’s doing, and most importantly, who he’s with.
But it’s not healthy for you.
This delays your healing and prolongs the mourning in love.
That’s why it’s important to keep the following mistakes in mind so you don’t fall into depression after a breakup.
1. After a breakup, one of the mistakes to avoid is sharing information on social networks.
Yes, you are suffering.
Your friends know it.
So what’s the point of posting texts or photos on social networks to tell the world that you are suffering.
It makes no sense!
Certainly, the Internet is patient, attentive and you benefit from the comfort and encouragement of many people.
Still, this isn’t the right place to let go of your sadness and post every 10 minutes that you’ve used yet another packet of tissues because the tears don’t stop.
It’s just embarrassing for you.
Especially if you ever get back together with your ex.
2. Stalking your ex is not a healthy habit.
Who is this woman ?
What did he do today?
The Internet offers endless opportunities to immerse yourself in the lives of others.
Without having direct contact, you know exactly what your ex is doing.
Don’t torture yourself and read what he does all day.
It only depresses you.
3. After a breakup, one of the mistakes to avoid is immersing yourself in old memories.
You just sit on the couch with the teddy he gave you in your arms and listen to your sad song on an endless loop.
That’s fine for one night, but then you should banish all memories from your sight.
Memories only make you sad.
4. Keep your pain to yourself.
This may seem contradictory with the first point, but it is not.
Because you need to talk to your loved ones about what you’re going through.
A problem shared is a problem halved.
Indeed, your friends know you well and they know everything about your love story.
Thus, they can help you look at the situation with more clarity.
5. Cutting yourself off is one of the mistakes to avoid after a breakup.
You don’t have to go out with friends every night and party endlessly.
But curling up alone in bed with your grief and avoiding contact with the outside world is not a good idea.
You fall into a deep hole and it’s hard to get out.
Pain and sadness feed off each other and complicate your life.
6. Make rash decisions.
Spontaneously cut your hair, quit your job or move to another city…
Shortly after a breakup, one can be tempted to change everything and leave for new shores.
Some ideas can actually be great.
But you better sleep on it for a night or two before you make any really important decisions.
7. Staying in touch with your ex is one of the mistakes to avoid after a breakup.
We can still be friends, right?
No you can not !
The feelings are too strong for that.
Especially if the breakup is recent.
Better keep your distance for a while, then you’ll be fine.
8. Having love with your ex.
Of course, it is easier to go back to your ex to satisfy certain needs than to go out and meet strangers.
Many people make this mistake.
Once is not the problem.
But please don’t make it a habit.
Seeing your ex every Friday night won’t help you deal with the breakup.
9. Denying the fact that the separation is final is one of the mistakes to avoid after a breakup.
Hope can be a very beautiful thing.
However, this is the biggest problem after a breakup.
Don’t make the mistake of clinging to the idea that this is just a temporary breakup.
That you will get back together one day.
It almost never happens.
10. Unpleasant acts of revenge that you will later regret.
After a difficult breakup, one or another unpleasant revenge plan may pop up in your head.
It is better to get rid of it as soon as possible.
Revenge doesn’t make the breakup any easier, and you’ll definitely regret your actions at some point.
11. Flirting with all your might is one of the mistakes to avoid after a breakup.
To distract yourself, you can start flirting like crazy at every opportunity.
Loving unrestrained in the club, anyone, is also not a proven cure for lovesickness.
Because afterwards, you usually have a bad conscience and that only puts you down even more.
12. Spending a lot of money.
Frustration shopping after a breakup helps counter the heartbreak at first.
It distracts you.
After a few days or weeks, you will see your purchases from that era with different eyes.
The reason: if you are happy, you buy little, if you are unhappy, you buy a lot.
You are missing something now or at least you have the feeling.
Wait until you are emotionally stabilized before shopping.
13. Moving on to the next relationship is one of the mistakes to avoid after a breakup.
After a breakup, you need to take time for yourself.
You have to shape your new life as a single person.
What do you want to do ?
What hobbies were you unable to pursue while you were with your partner?
Doing something for yourself is fun.
Give yourself a break before embarking on the next relationship.
It’s okay to be alone, even if it hurts at first.
Otherwise, you will take your emotional baggage with you into your new relationship.
Not only is this unfair to your new partner, you’re lying to yourself.
14. Letting go completely.
Once you understand that the separation is real, you tend to let go.
Indeed, why should you make an effort to be beautiful if no one is watching you?
So you slump at home and you eat everything and anything.
Bad skin, a few extra pounds and still single. Slim !
A healthy diet and exercise are not only good for your body, they also have a positive effect on our psyche.
So, don’t worry, watch your diet and go to the gym, clear your head!
15. Courting your ex is on the list of mistakes to avoid after a breakup.
You keep telling your ex how much you love and forgive him.
You behave exactly as he would have always wanted you to behave – for example, dressing up according to his tastes, wanting to seduce him with lingerie, cooking him his favorite meal…
You have hope that your ex will come back to you if he sees how hard you are trying.
What’s really going on: Your ex isn’t opening up to your love and you feel inferior and small.
Maybe you will later hate yourself for your submission.
16. Monopolize your group of mutual friends.
You go out of your way to get your mutual friends to take your side.
You tell them how badly he behaved towards you.
Then you add a little sauce to the story.
In short, you expect them to hate him as much as you and to defend you.
How to rebuild after a breakup?
Now that you know the mistakes to avoid, one question remains:
Is it possible to move on after a breakup?
To help you understand how, you need to know that separation can be compared to death.
Attention, I am not saying that it is so dramatic.
Simply, that the grieving process in love is the same as the grieving process when someone dies.
And something you may not know: the loving mourning of the one who leaves is the same as that of the person who is abandoned.
But what are the stages of mourning after a breakup?
Lovesickness is no different in men and women.
And the list of mistakes to avoid is the same for everyone.
However, women are more likely to talk about it and seek help if needed.
Indeed, women are more likely to talk about it with friends and family or even seek advice.
Men do not want to tell anyone about it and console themselves faster with a substitute.
But whatever happens, everyone goes through the same stages of grieving in love.
First of all, you don’t want to admit it, you deny the end of the relationship and what led up to it.
During this phase, people often tend to withdraw from their social environment and isolate themselves.
If you remain stuck in this phase, it means that you have fallen into the trap of mistakes to avoid.
Tip for moving on: Talk openly about your loss in love with your friends and loved ones.
This leads to making your own feelings tangible and perhaps also to understanding the situation better so that you can deal with it at some point.
2. Excessive feelings
Once the situation is named, the feelings burst.
You cry, you are angry, you feel alone and offended.
Advice for rebuilding yourself after a breakup: Even if it seems difficult, you should try to distract yourself and not lock yourself in a small quiet room.
Surround yourself with different people, rush to work or other new projects, or find an interesting new hobby to distract you from the pain of separation.
Next comes the phase in which you fight for your partner and the relationship.
Then you understand that your partner will not come back, because maybe he has a new partner or you have been cheated on.
In this case, jealousy towards the new partner is added to the lovesickness.
Then begins the terrible phase of mourning, during which one realizes that the partner will not return.
Of course, a 20-year-old bachelor doesn’t suffer as long as someone married for 20 years.
Lovesickness in older people differs from that in younger people in that it takes longer to heal.
If you’ve been together longer, planned and built a future together, then life plans go haywire.
5. Anger and rage
If you give free rein to your feelings, you will at some point ask yourself, “what do I really want from such an idiot? “.
These thoughts are important.
You need to release anger and create significant emotional distance between you and your ex.
Tip for moving on: Be sure to get rid of old photos taken together and other memories of happier days.
The last phase is acceptance, the new beginning begins.
You’ve had time to deal with the separation and get over the grief of losing your partner.
Even if you are not cured, you can enjoy life again and get your ex-partner out of your head more and more often.
Tip for rebuilding after a breakup: Visually create a fresh start by rearranging your furniture, planning and implementing an exciting new project.
Moving on after a breakup: advice to follow
It still hurts.
You can endure the pain and wait for it to subside eventually.
But it is better to become active yourself.
Otherwise, you will fall into the trap of mistakes to avoid after a breakup.
1. Find a way to think about something else
It sounds a bit unhealthy at first, but distraction is actually an important processing step.
Distraction can mean many things: partying, running excessively, working a lot, organizing the busy schedule of things.
The main thing is that the concentration is away from the pain for a while.
In other words, allow the pain.
Because that too should find its place.
Allowing the pain doesn’t sound particularly appealing, but it’s part of healing after a breakup: distracting, facing the pain, getting over it.
3. Speak openly
You don’t have to pretend everything is fine.
Even if you’re not that outgoing, honestly answering “No, I just got dumped” when someone else asks if everything’s okay can be really, really good.
4. Don’t take it (too) personally.
One of the mistakes to avoid after a breakup is thinking that you are the cause.
A breakup can damage self-esteem, but it’s important to see through the situation.
At a time like this, the abandoned person becomes totally dependent on the other person.
So it’s easy to think your ex just left you to hurt you.
5. Don’t think about the relationship anymore
Thoughts, especially those that revolve around the same thing over and over again, can give rise to negative feelings.
This is how they solidify.
Therefore, in relation to the pain of separation, it is also true that we should break up with the ex-relationship at some point.
6. Throw away what reminds you of your ex.
It may seem unkind to you, but getting rid of things that remind you of the relationship feels good.
It’s liberating, but of course it’s also difficult.
Especially if the ex-partner was not a freak, but someone you still love.
After all, we are sentimental beings, we are attached to things, we charge them with meaning and we believe that if we are attached to these things, the meaning of things will stay with us.
7. Listen to music
Music is a wonderful catalyst of emotions.
With the right song, moods can be captured, reinforced, empathized.
A song can strengthen you!
8. Cut off all contact
Delete his number and social media profile.
Months after the breakup, you’ll be staring at your phone hoping to get a message from him.
It’s painful !
So you need to cut off all contact with your ex.
No need to follow everything that happens in his life and see who he is dating.
9. Don’t be angry with your feelings.
One of the mistakes to avoid is fighting against your emotions.
Be sad, be angry.
Even if you feel like no one deserves those feelings.
Ambivalence is acceptable.
Blocking out negative feelings is not part of mental health.
You are part of life.