Ambiguous signals or love on the first date: partnership professionals reveal how to elegantly pull yourself out of (or into) an affair in typical get-to-know situations
How do I know if a man is really flirting with me?
If you feel comfortable doing it. Basically, flirting doesn’t work any differently than love: You start with a touch, the other reacts positively, you carry on. Do you like his eye contact? You have already replied. How does he behave when you smile at him? Many men, unfortunately often the right ones, find it difficult to take the next step after the first eye contact; they think they should score with an original conversation starter. And unfortunately, that has not yet been invented. Assume that a man who smiles nicely at you will be happy when you walk over to him and give him a simple “Well?” welcome.
Michel Vincent, flirt coach
The man I met on Tinder is unfortunately much smaller in real life than he stated. How do I deal with it?
Just overlook it. Small joke. Doesn’t he look good at least? Another joke. Seriously: The question is whether you are dealing with a bad impostor or a basically nice guy who suffers a little from his not so pronounced body size. You will find out in conversation. If that goes well, you can even bring them up on the discrepancy. And if you’re still good with each other afterward and don’t have to get on your knees to kiss him, everything can turn out fine.
Paula Lambert, love expert and author of “Don’t worry, he just wants to play”
After our date, he wants to come to see me. I wouldn’t really mind. But is it wise to have loved the first time you meet?
If he looks good, if you had a good chat, if he smells good, if you can laugh together, if you feel like it – why not? If the man no longer has a good opinion of you, he clearly belongs in the 50s and no longer in your bed. Should you, despite all the affection, wait a little longer on the first evening, but the signal to him that you are not averse: A kiss goodbye keeps the tension going and gives a nice foretaste of more.
Mark Kuntz, psychologist and author of “The Right Woman”
The first meeting was nice. But somehow it didn’t work right. Should I meet him again anyway?
Give him a second chance – love, at first sight, is rare and in the little word “get to know” there is also “learn”: While women establish relationships by talking, men find it easier to open up when they do something with each other: And so it may be that he is exaggerating or understating when talking – although he would actually be a great partner. So if the first date was a visit to a café, the second time they go to play mini-golf, go boating, or anything where they experience each other instead of just talking about themselves.
Nina Dreißler, flirt expert and author of “Relationship Status: Complicated”
When is the right time to tell a man about my children?
Counter-question: When is the right time to ask if he has children? In both cases, there can be no wrong time, because children are the greatest thing that can happen to you in life. However: If both only talk about their children, things could get a little tough in the future as well. The ideal first evening looks like that in the bar the first chairs are already put up, you are the last two guests and you are talking about a lousy job, best friends, unfulfilled dreams, adorable daughter, stupid ex-lover, the best drink, coolest band, great son, etc. haven’t come to an end yet.
Mark Kuntz, psychologist and girlfriend author
He asks about my last relationship. What can I say?
Honesty is always the best solution, even if it can be the toughest: When you are really through with your last relationship, you can tell how it started and how it ended. If you are still offended and bitter, you may notice as soon as you tell the story that this date is not about new love, but about revenge and paying back. Men like to hear why their last relationship had to end. Why in the end there was no more love, why at some point no more conversation was possible. Those are nice conversations, but then please change the subject. What are your new topics in common?
Felicitas Heyne, psychologist, and author
We exchanged numbers, but now he doesn’t answer. Is it okay if I write first, or does that kill his hunting instinct?
Perhaps, but if it were really only about his “hunting instinct” after he had “shot” you once, you would be a closed case anyway. Of course, you can call, otherwise, you wouldn’t have exchanged numbers after all. It’s like this: do you want him to take the first step? Then you have to wait, there is no other way. Do you want to see him again? Then give him a call! And be brave if he’s not interested. In the opposite case, he should too. Most men are delighted when they don’t always have to take the first step.
Michel Vincent, flirt coach