In view of the Corona crisis, increased inquiries about divorce have become noticeable. The reason for this is, for example, that many couples spent “too much” time together and got on each other’s nerves. But the divorce rate is also relatively high outside of times of crisis . Almost every second marriage in Austria ends in divorce. Can an impending separation make itself felt premature and even be avoided?
The closer you get spatially and emotionally as a couple, the less pink the rose-colored glasses become . Now you see more and more the peculiarities of the partner. Added to this are the stresses of everyday life, children, pets as well as obligations and decisions that have to be made together. This shows clearly who really fits together and whether the relationship is on solid ground . The first time they live together, there can often be arguments and conflicts if the partners think differently.
Do we really fit together?
Like many other people, you have probably asked yourself this question one time or another. Not reprehensible as long as this is not a question you regularly ask yourself about your relationship . Whether a couple really harmonizes can be seen in many ways. Very clearly when you share living space and responsibility together. Pay attention to the following points with your partner:
- How are your conversations going? Especially when it comes to critical issues. Are they peaceful or aggressive?
- Do you feel understood by your partner? Or are there often misunderstandings?
- Do you and your partner see the most important issues similarly?
- Do you make up after an argument or is the air forever bad?
- Do you pull together or work against each other in your marriage?
- Is there honesty, openness and respect in marriage? Or is the opposite true?
These are the basic elements of a viable marriage . Of course, there are many more components that contribute to a happy relationship. However, when the basis as a couple is wrong, things get difficult. In the graph you can see the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship:
Should I break up with my partner?
Often times, at first you felt that you were happy in your marriage. But as you progress, you think more and more of separation. This does not happen overnight, but often happens slowly . Over time, you will notice aspects of your counterpart that you did not initially notice in your relationship. Dispute and conflict are the order of the day. Points that can stand in the way of a happy marriage include:
- Lack of respect and openness
- Lies and unreliability
- Not taking on enough responsibility
- Don’t bother about the other anymore
- Just pursue your own interests
Do you notice that your marriage is deteriorating more and more of its quality? Are you unhappy far more often than happy? As you think about a divorce more and more often, talk to your partner about it . Couples therapy can also work wonders, as many misunderstandings have sometimes accumulated over the years. Do you already know what the quality of your couple relationship is like ?
Divorce as a last resort
Every couple goes through ups and downs. So you should weigh up whether the conflicts, arguments and misunderstandings are permanent or only temporary. Remember, you have invested a lot of time and energy in your marriage and relationship . Divorce has far-reaching consequences. Especially when children are involved, a breakup will affect them too. However, if there is no longer any feeling or hope and you are just unhappy, divorce can be liberating.
Alternatives to a divorce
If you really care about your partner, do all you can before a divorce to save your relationship. The prerequisite for this, however, is that your partner also wants that. Find the conversation in your marriage. Talk about what you perceive and what is bothering you. Perhaps your counterpart also has points that irritate them. Openness can dispel many misunderstandings . Together, find ways that marriage can be more harmonious in the future . Find alternatives to a breakup.
If you want to save your marriage but can’t find a way together, don’t be afraid to seek couples therapy. You will explore new ways together with an expert. Only when you’ve tried everything can you say “nothing” has worked and decide with “a clear conscience” that you really want a divorce.