You kept telling me that it would be easier to keep going.
They keep telling me that I will get to know someone new and better.
But the truth is, no matter who I get to know or what I do – if my heart and mind are completely focused on someone else, then none of these things matter.
The truth is – yes, I’m single, but emotionally I’m unreachable, at least until I get through this.
But I don’t know how to do it.
They keep telling me that time will heal that.
But what happens if the only person you think can heal this pain is the one who caused it.
What if the solution is what caused the problem?
All the time and distance makes me hold onto the past that I don’t want to forget. All she’s doing is chasing me.
If it is the case that the distance makes the heart beat faster, then I fall even more in love with you because you have already given up our love.
Because I think back and remember how nice and good it used to be. How happy I was before. How in love we were both. But something has changed.
And I review the things that I might have said or done. I wish I hadn’t.
Did you wake up one day thinking you were over me? Did you look me in the eye and understand that you don’t love me?
The words “goodbye” came from your mouth, but they were words that were foreign to me. Because I expected everyone but you to say it.
I don’t know when you stopped believing in me and us because the truth is that I never stopped. And I think part of me still believes in you. Part of me hopes that you may change your mind.
But every night when I go to bed there’s a silence and loneliness that I can’t get rid of. I lie there and think about the time when you were next to me. Nights, where I slept with you carefree at my side, were replaced by turning, rolling back and forth and waking up at 3 in the morning.
And I reach for my cell phone hoping to see your name maybe. A text, alike, a comment. Anything, but I don’t see anything. And I’m forced to go on like it won’t break my heart …
And I keep wondering how that could have happened to us .
That two people who once fell in love and went mad with love became strangers is a reality that I knew could very well come true, but I didn’t want it to become our reality.
I didn’t want another story that ended up picking up the pieces. I used to run away for fear of falling in love, but I realized what I was more afraid of, and this was this: this empty feeling, in which the tears went out completely and there is nothing I can do about it.
I can’t change your feelings. Because I tried
The thing about heartache is that you can never tell who is injured. On the outside, everyone looks calming and smiling. You can walk past hundreds of people and you will never know who is struggling with the same problem as you. But nobody says anything.
Everyone goes on as if heartache is a silent battle that you have to face on your own. And the truth is that you have to do it somehow. There are no words or conversation that can heal the pain. And yes, people can say that they understand, that they have been through this, that they are over it.
But I haven’t got to the point yet.
Everyone says I can get over it and that I’ll forget you. But I still think you’re one of the best things that ever happened to me. How do you compare someone with it at all? Because everything they do does not meet my expectations.
They tell me to make an appointment, to find someone new, but I don’t want to be disappointed anymore.
I don’t want to think of you every time I look someone in the eye.
The truth is that I feel completely lost here without you because
the moment you left you meant everything to me. And when I look at myself in the mirror, I see more of you than myself.
But the irony of all of this (despite the pain and these ugly things I feel) is that if love ends badly, you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
Because despite the pain you caused, I still think you are the best thing that ever happened to me.