After all that time, it’s still you

I kept wondering when and if I would ever hear your name again. Days turned into months that quickly turned into years, and the people around me began to forget about you.

Your name, which used to fill many a conversation among my friends, was replaced by other people – people who came and went. But their absence didn’t affect me like yours.

These people who came into my life and also into my heart could not take your place. There was no doubt that you were still there. Maybe not physically there, but emotionally you never left me.

Even if I didn’t say it, I couldn’t deny what my heart wanted. There was always this silent hope that after all this time you would find your way back to me.

I searched for you in crowds. I wished to see you, but I was also afraid of the moment our eyes meet. I wondered if you can remember anything at all. I wondered if it still means something to you. Or whether you go on with your life as I should.

Once I saw a man with an inverted cap on his head who looked like you. My heart stopped for a moment until this man turned and I realized that it was a stranger.

You were always in my thoughts, even when I met other people. I specifically searched for the qualities they lacked that you had. I knew it was not fair to compare, but you set this template for what I expected people to do.

My heart broke when my mother asked, “Do you know what he’s doing today?” I tried to hide the pain. “No,” I replied, looking down at my plate and playing with my food, hoping that the conversation would change soon.

The only evidence that you ever existed in my life was old pictures that I hadn’t yet let go of. Clothes that I had never thrown away. Even more, your whole being was hidden in my broken heart, which had not given up hope.

I wanted to wake up at night when I met you in my dreams because that was the only opportunity I had to see you. I woke up in a cold sweat and looked for you. I wondered how it came to end. For some reason, I couldn’t forgive myself for all of this.

Of all the spirits in my closet, you were the one who chased me the most.
I know things are ending. But what if an end comes that you know in your heart that it shouldn’t be? What do you do when you just know that his role in your story isn’t over?

“Do you think you’ll ever hear from him again?” Asked a friend.

“I know I will.”

She looked at me with a confused look. How could I still hold on to it after all this time? But in reality I didn’t know myself.

What I knew was that love is strong enough to overcome every little thing that is against you. I knew that love was strong enough and there was a chance that you could win. That is all I knew about love and that was enough for me.

They say that when you least expect it, things come back to you. I went on with my life, almost completely. I moved to a new city. I had new friends.

But no matter where you are going or what you are doing, there is always something from the past that stays with you. And you always take the people you love with you in your heart.

The days of mourning someone’s absence were one thing I couldn’t even remember.

When I looked at my reflection, I occasionally thought of you. The best thing about me had a lot to do with you. And there were moments when I wished you knew who I ended up becoming.

Then one day it happened.

Hi there. A word. And everything came back to me suddenly.

We were careful but still comfortable. There was a feeling that things hadn’t changed at all. Even though we looked a little older, I still looked at you like I did every day in the past.

I don’t think I started loving you again. I think I never stopped.


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