A letter to the man who NEVER belonged to me
I write you this letter because I have given you my heart. I just want you to know what I went through when we were together. Oh wait, “being together” is poorly described. When I thought that we are together … fits in any case better.
However, I have to tell you all so that the same thing does not happen to another woman. I do not want anyone to feel the pain I had to feel. I do not even wish that to my worst enemy.
I always thought we were getting old together. I thought you were the man of my dreams. You were the fresh air I inhaled, the rainbow after the storm. You were there for me, but I did not look deeper into your eyes. I have not seen that you do not feel the same for me.
Going out with me and having me by your side suited you too well. In the end, all you needed was someone who could cook, clean and keep you company.
And that was me for you. Not your soulmate, not the love of your life. I was just someone who will be there until the right girl shows up. The catch is, I did not know that at the time.
I lived in ignorance and thought that the deal was already done for both of us. I thought you would stay with me when I had problems. But you did not even listen to me while I talked about her.
You’ve been busy texting other women and totally neglecting me. You’d rather go out with the boys than stay at home with me. You could never understand my job, neither my friends nor my family.
That was all too much for you. But I was intrusive. I wanted you to love me. I wanted you to take care of me. I wanted to be the woman you see in a room full of people. I wanted to be the last thing you think about when you go to bed – and the first thing you think about when you open your eyes.
I wanted you to love me as much as I love you. I was deep, insane and in love with you without limits. But you did not see that. Or you just pretended that you did not see anything.
I was the one who did not sleep for nights and cried a lot. There were too many things in our relationship that saddened me. You did not know about the demons in me.
And every day was a new fight – a fight for your love.
Then, in one of those lonely nights, I happened to see myself in the mirror. I was surprised. This woman in the mirror was my copy. I could see on her face that she was crying – her eyes were red, wet and swollen.
She was pale, mixed with mascara and tears. I was scared. I was afraid of what you made of me, of my own reflection.
At that moment, I decided to let you go. I decided to burn the bridges between the two of us. I did not want to be a sad girl anymore. I wanted more. I earned more. But you could not offer that to me.
After so many years of not having you by my side, I still want to thank you.