A letter to a mother who remains in a bad marriage for the sake of children
You are unhappy. It’s been so long since you’ve forgotten what happiness can be.
Some even have no idea what you are going through. From the outside, you seem like a happy couple. But for people who know you well, it’s impossible to pretend. You are unhappy and they see it. Even when it seems to you that you are good at playing for children, you are not. Even if your children cannot understand what exactly is the matter, they know that their mother is not happy.
And most likely, although you don’t want to hear it, your children see you in an unhappy marriage, especially older children who can compare you to other couples.
But because you are a good mother, you remain in this unhappy situation, believing with all your heart that you are doing the right thing for your children. You think that by choosing an unhappy life for yourself, you are choosing happiness for your children. You can’t do it yourself, can you?
You put up with a miserable marriage because you told yourself it could be worse. And that you will be worse than one. That children will be worse off with divorced parents.
You reluctantly lie to yourself and hurt yourself … and your children.
Your depression can become the depression of children
According to one study, parental depression leads to early signs of “difficult” temperament in children, lower self-esteem, among other negative factors.
Staying in an unhappy marriage to keep your children happy is a false belief. If you are unhappy for a very long time, how can you isolate children from your pain? Do you want them to feel guilty for your sadness? After all, they will not understand what is happening until they are older. Don’t do this to them and to yourself.
Everything is possible
You can bring up children alone. You can earn your living and the living of your children. It takes time, effort, but step by step it is possible.
What is more difficult: being pathetic and trapped, or being free and supporting yourself and your children by the sweat of your brow? Remember: your work will pay off and become easier, but you can stay miserable forever.
Imagine your children as adults in the same situation. Would you like them to tolerate this and consider it normal? If your answer is no, then spare yourself of that. Teach children that this is not normal, that the family should be different, that you need to get away from toxic situations and people.
Whatever you choose: family counselor, divorce – don’t leave it as it is. You are responsible for your life. And you have to show the kids that taking care of yourself is important.