9 Toxic Things People Say To Each Other Without Realizing It
When we’re in a relationship, we feel comfortable enough to speak our minds. So in our closest relationships, it’s easy to speak without thinking.
Because we trust in the honesty and have a pleasant atmosphere in this relationship. That seems like a good thing: we’re so familiar with each other that we can say anything that’s on our hearts.
However, it can have negative effects if we do it without thinking about the possible consequences.
Thoughtless utterances can be misunderstood, and words spoken out of frustration can cut deep.
Whether you’re dealing with toxic people or toxic relationships, there are many hurtful things someone can say.
You are probably now thinking about whether you said something bad to someone in your family.
When you read these 9 things, you will be surprised how much we can negatively affect our relationship in just a few words.
Improving your relationships with your partner and family is important to you. That is why we advise you to read this article carefully.
After that, you will have a completely different perspective and will continue to cultivate it in the future.
“You’re too sensitive” or “Calm down”
During an argument, one can always hear the phrase “You are too sensitive” or “Calm down” from one side.
On the other hand, you don’t have to argue for someone to mention this sentence.
It’s just bad to hear those words when you confide in someone and the answer you get is to calm down.
This person didn’t confide in anyone else for nothing. And this person, whom she confided with her problems, must mean a lot to her.
That’s why it’s also toxic if someone said to a problem that you have to calm down.
The person expects to be comforted and to be advised on what to do. Besides, all she needs is someone to be there for her and say, “Come here, don’t worry, everything will be fine, I promise”
Just saying someone is too sensitive is not appreciating that person’s feelings.
She’ll only feel worse and the next time she has a problem she certainly won’t confide in that person again.
Then there will be a loss of trust and the relationship will only be weaker.
Even if you think someone is objectively sensitive and you don’t understand why they’re offended, don’t judge them. It’s not fair to tell someone how to feel about something they’re going through.
Instead of judging that person, just say, “I understand why you feel this way…”
This will calm your partner down.
“You are just like your father/mother”
It is not good at all to compare your partner or someone in your family to another member.
This phrase is particularly offensive because you could be referring to a quality that the other person is well aware of and dislikes in their family member.
They also present the other person as someone who has done something bad or indirectly say that he or she is a bad person.
When you have problems with a person, the best way to solve them is to sit down with the person and talk about them.
If you don’t like a person’s behavior, then you should find a way to say it in the best way possible.
Yelling at someone and saying that he or she is like their father or mother is not going to get anywhere.
This way you only show that you are frustrated and unable to act.
“You never have” or “You always have”
This is a common phrase when a person is frustrated.
Although saying these phrases in anger and anger, they can hurt the other person and generally don’t accomplish anything special.
You only hurt the other person and we believe that is not your goal.
General statements are detrimental to a relationship because they put the other person on the defensive. And at the same time, that person also gets frustrated because they know that statement isn’t true.
It feels like criticism, you mischaracterize the person, and they might shut down if the accusation isn’t true.
So try to remain calm and clear-headed in such situations.
Such generalizations do not help address uncomfortable behaviors but constitute criticism of the other person or your partner as a person.
A better suggestion would be to address the offending behavior and how it makes you feel.
The other person will certainly react better to it than to criticism that can only cause harm.
“Just forget it” or “Whatever”
These are common statements that are also quite annoying.
Especially the first one, when someone strays from what they said and you no longer know what they were trying to say and your active listening has been disrupted.
Imagine yourself in a situation where, for example, someone would tell you “just forget it”. That’s annoying, isn’t it?
The most annoying thing is when someone brings up a situation and when they get to the heart of the problem they say just forget it or that it doesn’t matter.
This is exactly why problems accumulate. If you just tuck them under the rug, they’ll only get bigger and bigger.
Saying these phrases leads to an avoidance of communication within the relationship. It shows that the person speaking is not caring enough about the conversation or talking about what is going on in their head.
On the other hand, the person just wants to show that something is bothering them but doesn’t want to talk about it because they expect their partner to already know what’s bothering them.
It is dismissive and leaves the other person confused and not knowing if the situation is resolved. Instead, try saying that you feel like you’re not being listened to or that you’d rather not talk about it anymore.
“Time heals all wounds”
Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Those who have such wounds know what we are talking about.
Some wounds are so painful that it can be impossible to see beyond the present, and telling them that one day their pain will be meaningless is not a good approach.
For example, if you lose a family member, the wounds will certainly not heal over time.
You just get used to living with them.
The wounds stay there forever, no matter what. Over time you just learn how to live with them.
Instead, validate the person’s feelings and offer support.
“Some people have it way worse than you”
Never in human history has anyone felt better when told that. We are 100% sure of that!
Imagine you are going through a bad time and someone says this sentence to you.
It’s sort of a slap in the face for someone who’s rightfully hurt or upset.
Yes, everyone is aware that there are always cases in others that are worse. But right now that person may be going through a bad period of life and just needs someone to talk to about it.
Yes, starving in a third-world country is a terrible thing – but that doesn’t change the pain someone feels in a different situation.
Just be there for that person and listen to them. Ask if she needs anything and try to cheer her up in a better way.
If you know this person well then you will know what to do to get a little smile.
“I told you so”
Yes, we’ve all certainly said that sentence at least once in our lives to someone else who didn’t want to listen to us, but we knew that what we said was true.
It might be tempting to say that, especially after warning someone, but once the damage is done, saying “I told you so” only adds salt to the wound.
And yes, that sentence has an annoying tone too. All in all, this person certainly doesn’t want to hear that phrase when they realize they made a wrong decision.
Not to mention it’s just plain hateful to say something like that. So when you feel the urge to say that phrase, you better swallow it and cover your mouth.
“Well, if I were you…”
You are not her and it is not your place to say so. Keep underserved or unsolicited advice to yourself.
Not every person in the world has the same perspective as you. Maybe this person thinks your idea is not so good and would never act like it.
This is also the nicer side of life. That we are all different and that no one in the world is exactly like you or anyone else.
If that person asks you for advice, you’re more than welcome to give your opinion. But in the end, only that person decides whether they want to listen to you or not.
“I’ve experienced that too.”
When someone is going through a not-so-great phase of life, the last thing they need is for someone to say that to them.
The moment someone says, “I experienced that too,” I immediately think afterward that this person doesn’t want to help at all, just draw attention to themselves.
Yes, you may have gone through something worse, but thank God those times are over.
Unfortunately, this person is currently in this situation, they have to fight it and find a solution.
This sentence will certainly not help her much, nor will it give her any consolation.
Your intentions are certainly good, but unfortunately, we have to tell you that you will not achieve anything positive with this person.
After these toxic statements, one can only conclude that one should pay more attention to communicating with other people.
In most cases, we are completely unaware of how much we can hurt the other person by just saying 3-4 words.
The best advice you can give is that if you want to help, you have to listen more and more attentively to the person you are talking to so that you can better respond to their problems.
The next time you talk to someone sad or depressed, remember these 9 things you read in this article.
If you don’t use them and rephrase your sentences, your communication and relationship will be better.