8 questions to ask yourself if you’re still attracting toxic partners
Why should your history repeat itself again? Do you often break free from the question, “Why do I still attract toxic partners into my life” when you should deserve something else? You may have to look deep inside yourself to know why you should still attract toxic partners.
Have you ever felt like you’re a “garbage magnet” when it comes to your love life? Do you keep breaking out of dates with manipulative men who have narcissistic traits and falling in love with them? Are you confused as to why this keeps happening to you over and over again?
If so, there are some deep relationship questions to help you figure out why you still fall for such controlling guys.
Internal hurts stemming from early childhood circumstances and experiences, such as toxic family dynamics or bullying, affect your physical, emotional, and mental health as an adult and shape the way you experience life.
These unconscious layers of trauma can lead you to seek out unhealthy, abusive people who, in turn, take advantage of vulnerable people (like you) to find their selfish need for meaning, power, and control in relationships.
If you have unhealed internal injuries, you might be subconsciously attracted to men with narcissistic personality traits.
Why should I still attract toxic partners?
To answer that question, here are 8 profound relationship questions to ask yourself if you’re still falling for controlling, manipulative men with narcissistic personality traits:
1. Do you think someone else will heal your wounds?
Perhaps you are constantly looking for a partner to cling to and depend on to heal those painful wounds. However, you must understand that other people cannot heal your pain. Other people don’t have it in their hands to fix another person. The only person who can heal you is yourself.
You’ve been looking your whole life for someone to heal your wounds, and the toxic guys you’ve been with have been looking their whole lives for someone who needs just that. They fed your insecurities with fake charm and love while you thought they could bandage your wounds.
2. Do you believe that you can change someone and that they in turn can change you?
The more you try to force people to be who you want them to be, the more control you give them. You lose your own power. You give them responsibility for your well-being. And in return, you lose your dignity, your self-respect, and your sanity.
If you think you can help the toxic guys you’ve dated understand their difficulties, you’re just continuing this emotionally dependent cycle. You try to force her to take responsibility.
These guys are individuals in charge of their own lives, and the dream of making a lasting change has to come from themselves.
3. Do you feel responsible for other people’s feelings?
Are you freeing yourself from having a hard time setting boundaries or saying no to other people? Do you find it difficult to stand up for yourself?
Maybe you take responsibility for others instead of letting them learn to take responsibility for themselves. You may believe that your job is to save or protect people from their own painful feelings or from the consequences of their own actions.
You can try to placate them and tell them it’s not their fault. Or you can try to bear the pain for her.
Putting other people’s needs ahead of your own and viewing this as a righteous strength of your personality could lead you to overlook toxic behavior in a partner. Once again, you are not allowing that person to take responsibility for their own life, their own behavior, and the resulting good or bad consequences.
4. Do you neglect your own needs to avoid feeling “selfish” or “lazy”?
Do you feel guilty about taking care of yourself or doing things for yourself? Do you feel awkward when you have “me time”? Do you only feel valuable when you’re productive or doing something?
It could be that you were taught from a young age that taking care of yourself, having free time, and resting is lazy and self-centered and that you should avoid it at all costs.
5. Are you a people pleaser?
Does it bother you when other people think badly of you? Some people believe that being liked by others is a must, and they are willing to do almost anything to be recognized by others.
Some people are overly concerned with hurting the feelings of others, and as a result become “philanthropists” who overlook their own needs in favor of those of others.
If you’re a humanitarian, you’re more likely to put up with inappropriate, hurtful, and toxic behavior from your partner. You don’t want your guy to feel guilty about his bad behavior towards you, so you say it, “It’s okay. I’m good. Don’t worry. We’re fine.”
6. Have you experienced rejection, abandonment , shame, betrayal and/or unfairness?
Have you been the victim of any form of abuse in your past? Have you felt belittled by a parent, like you don’t have a right to your feelings, or your feelings are wrong or selfish? Some caregivers raise children with an incredible dose of shame to control their behavior.
They can use guilt to make you feel guilty because they were hurt that you expressed your feelings. Maybe you were criticized as a kid and felt like you couldn’t do anything right? They may have taught you that you can never earn their approval and that their love and acceptance depend on you being a “good girl.”
When parents use shame or guilt, it is actually a form of manipulation. Since this is what you grew up with, you will be vulnerable to being manipulated as an adult, especially in an intimate relationship.
7. Do you feel worthless and afraid to be alone?
Do you beat yourself up and criticize yourself for your failures? Are you afraid of being single? Do you scold your weaknesses and hate yourself for them? Maybe you feel unlovable, unworthy and flawed and don’t feel worthy of love?
It’s perfectly normal to want security in your life, but inner shame and unworthiness causes some people to do whatever they can to ensure their own security. It even means apologizing for others, fixing their mistakes, or protecting them from themselves.
If you’re afraid of being alone, you’re much more likely to be willing to overlook an issue to keep yourself safe and protect yourself from being alone.
8. Are you determined and persistent no matter what?
Do you set goals and know that you will always achieve them? Do you feel that your worth in life depends on what goals you achieve? Do you feel unworthy when you don’t achieve your goals?
Some people are so confident in their “never give up or give in” attitude that they end up looking past a partner’s horrible behavior with the mistaken notion that they can’t leave the relationship because it will be seen as a failure.
Sometimes people are so persistent that they end up overwhelmed and will do anything for everyone, leading to them being completely let down. You may even hate relying on others for help and choose to do everything yourself. If that’s the case, it’s time to consider the consequences of trying to avoid failure.
You can go through it by taking responsibility for your healing knowing that it will be difficult and will take time, but that on the other hand you will be so strong and healthy that you radiate absolute strength.
You will never accept inferior behavior again. You will repel toxic, abusive and freeloading men with narcissistic personality traits and only attract high quality people into your life.
Trust me and trust yourself. You can undoubtedly do this and live the life you deserve with truth, respect and dignity.