8 constructive texts that you can send after an argument
You’re still angry about an argument, and while you don’t want to be near that person, you can’t stop picking up your phone and reading through the chat history.
You type something and delete it again. Then the three dots appear – he types and deletes it again. You find yourself in a difficult situation, you are dissatisfied, but completely unsure which way to go now.
A little trick: it’s always better to wait before writing anything. Use the Notes app when you want to express those raw emotions, but be sure to pause until you’re in a place where you’re calm enough to hit send.
The first text after an argument is an important one. He sets the stage for what comes next. If your goal is to heal the relationship and smooth things over, you should choose your words thoughtfully. The audio is hard to read over text messages, so launching a bunch of heated thoughts when you’re still in the drama, even if they’re entirely valid, probably won’t go over well.
Here are eight text ideas you can send after an argument to eventually have the type of conversation that aligns with your goal.
1. If you want to get closer
“I hate that we had a conflict that pulled us apart. Could we take some time to talk things over and see how I can make things right? Our relationship is really important to me.”
When we open the conversation after an argument to apologize after an argument, we always want to apologize for our part while giving the other the opportunity to give their opinion on the situation and their wishes for reparation. Letting this person know what they mean to you sets a good tone for a productive conversation, and while it feels like a given, people are often grateful for such recognition.
2. When you realize you’ve overreacted
“When I came down I thought about what happened and now I realize I overreacted. I’m sorry and I will work to regulate my emotions and communicate better with you in the future. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to make things right.”
As you calmed down a little, gave the situation some air, you realized that you might have overreacted a bit. Instead of trying to defend your first reaction, be honest and swallow your pride.
3. When you feel bad about what you said
“I want to apologize for what I said. I’ve been thinking about how much it must have hurt you and I really regret my behavior. Let me know what I can do to fix this.”
When you feel remorse about the way you behaved in an argument, the first step is to swallow your pride. Then you can mentally bring yourself to a place where you can make a genuine apology that focuses on the behavior you regret.
4. When you don’t feel heard
“I’ve been thinking about what happened and I didn’t feel like you really understood my perspective on the situation. We don’t have to agree on everything, but it’s important to me that my perspective is heard and confirmed. Do you think we could find some time to talk about this?”
It’s okay to ask for a little more time to talk, but remember that your goal should never be to win or to convince someone to fully agree with you. Rather, it should be intended more to make both parties feel that their perspective is understood and validated.
5. When you said something bad
“I’ve been thinking about what happened and I realized what I said was offensive. I wanted to let you know for the future that I will be more in control of my words and behavior. I never want to hurt you.”
If you’ve been abusive in an argument, it’s good practice to acknowledge it. You don’t even have to bring up the details of the argument if you’re not ready, but take a minute to let this person know that you want to handle the situation maturely and ethically without being intentionally hurtful.
6. When you’re not ready to be nice
“I’ve been mulling over what happened and I feel like I’m not at a place yet where we could have a productive conversation about how to move forward. I’ll let you know if I’m ready to make amends or if I need more time.”
You have every right, but you should be open about where you are. Say you need more time instead of stewing in passive-aggressive silence.
7. When you’re down
“I just wanted to tell you that I feel deeply hurt. When you did… I felt… I don’t think I can continue until I receive an apology or redress.”
You can’t control what other people do or say, and while you can demand an apology, you may not get it. The best way to deal with the residual pain of an argument is to express yourself, with the goal that your perspective is only validated and understood, even if that person doesn’t agree.
8. When you want to take the argument further
“While I don’t want to further increase tensions between us, there was one important point I didn’t raise when we had our disagreements. (Insert point and explain why it is important and relevant to the relationship.)”
There is a way to keep the conversation going without increasing the discord. You want to reiterate that you’re not trying to fuel the conflict, but you still feel like there’s an essential piece missing. It’s important to explain clearly and calmly why you think it’s relevant and worth mentioning.