If you look at someone who has been abused from a third perspective, you might think that the worst is over. That’s right, is not it? No more emotional confusion, no physical violence, no more tears. In short, no more torture.
The worst seems to be over. But to be completely honest, it’s not like that. Yes, the physical assaults have ended, but the victim still feels the blows on his body. If you’ve ever been the victim of an abusive relationship, you also know that the fight has just started.
It is time to heal and that is the hardest thing ever. People who have survived violence also deny some things that need to be accepted so that they can heal properly:
1. It wasn’t loving.
You’ve been in the relationship for months, maybe even years, and what you’ve experienced was definitely not love. Maybe you believed that you found the perfect love because that’s what you were taught to believe. You may even think about going back to this man as soon as the situation calms down a bit.
But, no, don’t do that. He hurt you. You feel lonely and abandoned because of him. Because of him, you no longer see the beautiful things around you. It wasn’t loving. Love should be caring and kind. What you experienced was really not love. For some time now, you (or part of you) may have been in love with this man, but be aware that he is insecure and unable to love.
2. It wasn’t your fault.
Victims of abuse tend to think that they deserve the pain that is on them. As if they were the ones whose fault it was to be disobedient, too clingy, or in need. But you have to know that these lies should manipulate you. It’s not your fault.
It’s just not your fault !!!
3. You couldn’t change it.
I know you might think that if you had stayed long enough you would have fixed him. He might have told you that if you had stayed long enough you would have changed him for the better. I bet he even told you that love can heal him, right?
You shouldn’t believe these things. I know he did it pretty convincingly, but as much as you tried, you just can’t change it, as much as you tried. So accept it and stop focusing on it. He does not deserve it.
4. It was abuse.
Stop living in denial! It was abuse !!! Trying to find ways to justify his behaviour doesn’t help anyone. What reason could he have had to do all this to you? Stop denying it. He hit you because he wanted to. He told you that you were worthless because he wanted to.
He did it not only to teach you something valuable but to make you obedient and to transform you into his little punching bag. So, I tell you again, stop justifying his behaviour and finally understand that you were the victim all the time !!!
5. Recovery will take some time.
You cannot heal overnight. You need to know that you don’t have to recover from it right away, and you can’t even if you wanted to. Take it slow. Take your time to find love and respect for yourself properly, because you will never be able to really love again if you do not give yourself the right treatment – and that is the time.
6. You will never be the same again.
You have changed forever. Nobody can heal completely and that’s the worst of abuse! The wounds can heal, but the scars remain. You will never be the same woman that you used to be. You will back away every time someone yells at you. You will start each sentence with “I’m sorry” and you will fear that the abuse will recur. You won’t be able to fully trust anyone anymore.
7. It is not the end.
Just because you live with the consequences of the abuse doesn’t mean it’s the end of your life. You will carry the burden with you, but you will be fine! You escaped something that other people get stuck in for the rest of their lives.
You had the strength to walk and that’s what makes you so incredibly strong. So don’t think it’s the end. You will be loved again and even if you do not fully recover, it does not mean that you will not be well. Just keep fighting. You can do it! I’m absolutely sure about this.