7 reasons why you should never get into an instant relationship
Every once in a while you find people who have instant chemistry and make you dizzy! In a society where dating and singleness is a stigma, it’s tempting and easy to fall into an instant relationship.
The rush that comes from an instant relationship can make you flattered.
After all, what’s not to like about a guy who seems to want you?
But when the high wears off, you may wonder if you’ve rushed into something that isn’t right for you.
How to break free in a fast relationship
At age 30, I accidentally fell into a fast-paced relationship—accidentally because I didn’t know it was what I was doing.
After being in a relationship that I kept going back to for 7 years, then being let down by a guy I was infatuated with and going through a dry spell in my dating life, I wanted to be in a relationship.
I found him while living in Kansas City, MO. He had recently moved to the area and didn’t know anyone there. When he came into my life, we became a couple immediately. Shortly after that he moved in with me and we spent most of our time together.
Because everything happened so fast, I didn’t see things for what they were. And since I was flattered by his attention, I missed some warning signs .
9 months later a job promotion brought me to Southern California and he decided to move with me. A few months after our move, I went from flattered to internally freaked out because the “ooh ah” phase of our relationship had worn off and was showing his dark side (and mine too).
When the “ooh ah” phase subsided, instead of the signs I should have hoped things would take a turn for the better. I accepted his bad mood and figured the transition would be difficult for him because he didn’t know anyone in Southern California and was stressed about starting a new business.
My credulity and wishful thinking kept me in a five-year relationship that was only supposed to last a year. In hindsight, I should have seen things as they were and learned those lessons.
7 Things I Learned in an Instant Relationship (And You Should Learn Too)
- It can take minutes to get into a relationship and years to get out.
- Relationships that start right away are mostly about convenience. Because we are looking for someone here and now, they increase the odds of being with someone who isn’t your match.
- Instant relationships take us further from what we really dream of – every moment we spend with the wrong guy is yet to keep the right guys from showing up in our lives.
- Relationships are about short-term gratification. They are not the path to a happy and lasting relationship.
- When we’re in an instant relationship, we can’t see things clearly. We overlook red flags and critical points that are important to a thriving relationship.
- The undertone of despair is a key theme because we’re in an instant relationship, because we don’t like being alone, because we’re lonely, because we miss being in a relationship, etc.
- Because we tend to be desperate, we do things to please the other person at the expense of our own happiness.
- Short-term relationships result in us trying to make what doesn’t work work, when in fact we should let go of a relationship that was never meant to be a long-term relationship.
How to avoid being in an instant relationship
Don’t let loneliness , your biological clock, or pressure from friends and family lure you into falling into an instant relationship.
Instead, you can do the following:
- Set the pace by taking the time to learn about each other.
- Don’t spend your time meant for each other all the time from the start.
- Nurture your own life by doing things you love, hanging out with friends, spending time with family, etc.
- Share slowly and don’t rush the love.
- Don’t try to control or manipulate things. Let things unfold naturally.
- Pay attention to how your body feels instead of trying to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right.
The next time you need to break free in a relationship, take a step back instead of going full steam ahead. If you desire a committed relationship, there is no harm in giving yourself time for a real and lasting relationship to develop when things are the way they are meant to be.
If you tend to break free from instant relationships , what have you learned from that type of relationship?