7 reasons why you are chasing after the people we can not have.
Do you remember when you were a kid and wanted something, but your parents opposed it and told you that you can not have it?
And then you wanted it even more than before and was determined to do anything to get it.
Well, in the adult world this is still going on.
We fall in love with those who are not good for us, those who leave us in the dark or are not interested in us, and we just can not keep our hands off them, no matter how bad they are to us.
The more they reject us or push us away, the more we long for their closeness. But why is it like that? Why do not we just fall in love with those we can have and who are actually good for us?
There are several reasons to explain this phenomenon in more detail. The whole thing starts in our subconscious and is due to our childhood experiences.
In fact, the reasons for some may be shocking because they reveal the core of our true personality and show us the things that seem to be missing in our lives.
Here are the 7 reasons why we want people who are not good for us.
1. WE NEED THE THRILL IF WE WANT TO CONQUER SOMEONE.
Sometimes we want the man we can not have, because the thrill makes us feel that we are still alive. We love the anticipation and we want to explore the hidden of the other, we love the feeling of having conquered someone’s heart.
We like to look for new ways to seduce someone and to convince them that we are the missing piece of the puzzle for their happiness. And sometimes, if we then succeed in convincing them and eventually falling in love with us, we disappear again from their lives in search of the next hunt.
2. IT SATISFIES OUR EGO.
Our ego is very perfidious in deceiving us. It can make us do things we never thought we would ever do. Sometimes the ego can make us want something that we can not have just because it blinds us, that we will feel better when we get it.
We then believe that it is of utmost importance to conquer someone we really can not have, because then we would be the superior. Our ego deceives us by making us believe we need to accomplish something (like conquering someone) to make us feel good. And only if we could not do that, then we are inferior and worth nothing, so at least your ego wants you to think.
3. WE BELIEVE THAT WHEN SOMEONE ACCEPTS US, IT ADDS VALUE TO OUR LIVES.
We want someone whose qualities we admire because we believe that admiration and attraction would also take place in a relationship. We believe it could positively impact our own lives when we are with someone who, to be honest, is far beyond the possible. We believe that our lives would be in a better light, if someone would want us too.
4. OUR SELF-ESTEEM PLAYS A TRICK ON US.
We long for those we can not have, because we are struggling with low self-esteem and to conquer someone we can not have would be as if we have climbed a mountain that no one would have expected.
The feeling of being successful and of being of value to somebody is food for our beleaguered self esteem and therefore it can also play a trick on us. We’re wrong about believing we’re fighting someone we can not have, that’s the only thing that could help us boost our self-confidence.
5. WE ARE ATTRACTED TO NEW AND UNKNOWN.
The unknown attracts us magically and we want to decode what we do not know. We are attracted to things we do not know much about and we crave to explore every detail. Our desire to be with someone we can not have is stronger than the logic that tells us to stay away.
6. WE WANT TO PROVE TO OURSELVES AND THE OTHERS THAT IT IS WORTH HAVING SOMEONE BY OUR SIDE.
Sometimes we want to prove it to ourselves but also to others. We want to show that we succeed in conquering someone we can not have and that we are absolutely worthy to be with them.
We firmly believe that we deserve this human and that’s why we do not give up easily, no matter what.
7. OUR IMAGINATION IS STRONGER THAN THE REALITY.
Those we can not have are an integral part of our imagination, in which we are happy. And that’s why we want to put that into reality.
We fantasize about living a perfect life with this person and promise ourselves to do everything we can to achieve it.
We imagine what it would feel like to kiss this person and share everything with them. We see in this man our safe haven, which shows us a way out of our disappointing or boring reality.