Time heals all wounds, right?
Dating in the 21st century is tough. Think about it – social media is kidding you and there always seems to be that extra pressure.
Here’s a glimpse for those who suffer from heartache. It will be better! I know clichés, right? Who am I to say that, just a person writing from the other side of the screen?
There is simply no simple remedy for heartache. Sometimes you have to flow with it, feel it, and probably most importantly, learn from it so that you can heal and progress.
Heartache paralyzes us, exhausts us – emotionally and physically – and it can throwback even the strongest among us.
Here are 8 lessons I learned from heartache that will help you keep going and moving forward:
1. It’s not always about you
It’s hard when someone you love chooses not to love you anymore. It can be devastating whether you are dating, married, have children, or the like.
But sometimes someone else’s decision not to be with you or to continue loving you doesn’t always have to do with you. Sometimes it’s really about them. Some have limited the emotional capacity to be consistent in love, especially in terms of partnership.
Others have emotional baggage that prevents them from being in a large and healthy relationship. And sometimes, though unfortunate, you are at the end of the collateral damage.
If there is a pattern that they also expressed in their previous relationships, the pattern more than likely has something to do with them.
2. If you love someone, it doesn’t have to mean forever
People come into your life for various reasons. And no matter how much you despise someone you loved, the point is that you loved something about them. There was something he taught you; something that he got out of you.
As you face the end of your relationship with him, I want you to no longer focus on the pain of separation but the lessons he taught you. This is important because it leads to my next revelation.
3. There is a lesson in every relationship
Sometimes the person you love at the moment teaches you about the person you are supposed to be in a long-term relationship with in the future.
I know you may not want to hear that, but the nice thing about relationships is that you learn what you like, don’t like, appreciate, don’t appreciate.
People learn through their mistakes. But it also makes it easier for you to distinguish between what you want and what you don’t want.
In other words, you should get wiser from every relationship you have and not waste your time on those that don’t suit you or are incompatible. Every failed relationship basically brings you closer to the thing you really want.
4. Even if you feel that you have lost the love of your life, it is better to love than not to love
I believe that there are different types of love that you will experience in your life. Some will feel very passionate. While others may feel like they’re more of an overwhelmed friendship.
And then other relationships can be somewhere between a mix of passion, fun and a firm friendship.
No love is better or worse than the other. They’ll just feel different because you will evolve and be in a different place, mentally and emotionally, which correlates with your relationship with someone else.
If you have ever been in love, you understand that vulnerability is part of love and its expression. And that in itself is a great starting point to be open to love again.
5. Sometimes what you thought was love is not really love
Depending on your first experiences in love, it can be very confusing what love is. And depending on how you got to know or observe love, you could easily misunderstand it.
For example, if you’ve seen dysfunctional relationships modelled around you, it’s easy to think that this can be an expression of love.
So let’s say you fell in love with someone who was emotionally, verbally and / or physically abusive or who had problems with substance abuse, but you loved him, this experience of love may not have been a healthy kind of love, but if it was all is what you’ve ever experienced, it left a big footprint in you and shaped your idea of love.
Essentially, your first experience with this dysfunctional type of love shaped your idea of love and it is very likely that you will continue to follow this relationship pattern in the future.
Nobody teaches us what constitutes a healthy relationship, so sometimes it takes a while to understand and get it right.
6. A separation can mean a new beginning in love
Yes, a breakup can actually be exactly what you need. It will hurt. It will be painful to move away from someone’s life. But strangely, you could see the red flags in your relationship.
However, you probably ignored them. You tried to suppress your intuition, which tried to persuade you that something was wrong with this relationship.
But once you’ve listened to your inner voice and left the relationship or the relationship has ended, your life has likely changed significantly.
The lesson here is that sometimes a separation from someone who is incompatible with you actually leads you back to the path of self-love and lets you take the journey you have always been destined for.
7. In a relationship, you can often forget the most important person
That would be YOU! Heartache is hard, but ending a relationship that didn’t work has its advantages. One of them is the time to focus on you now.
Exercising self-love and self-care is critical to your progress, growth, and ability to love again. Time alone can teach you to be more woody, and to be more selective with the choice of people to step into your life.
If you currently have a broken heart, I want you to know that things are getting better. You will eventually recover and come out stronger on the other side.
Everything happens for a reason, and losing love for someone you care about doesn’t mean you won’t have the experience of falling in love again with someone you care about.
Time can heal all wounds, but it still hurts. That’s fine. Listen to hundreds of sad songs, eat as much ice cream as you need to feel better. Allow yourself a period of grief so that you can continue later.
While the heartache can feel devastating at first, there is a great possibility that it will also help your self-growth, increase your self-love, and allow you to find love with someone who is more suitable for you.