5 warning signs you should never ignore if you want a healthy relationship
Do you want a healthy relationship? Is the idea of building a life with something you actively seek? Have you been cremated in the past and not sure why? Do you want to do things differently this time? If so, then you definitely want to make sure you don’t ignore these warning signs.
Warning signs are those little things you see when you’re in a new relationship, things that make you stop and say it. Things that make you doubt if this person is right for you. Things that are scary because you want this relationship to work so badly.
Unfortunately, because we want this relationship to work, we often ignore the warning signs. We ignore the signs that this person might not be right for us. We hope that maybe the warning signs aren’t a big deal, that this person could change, that we can live with them because other things are good.
If you want a healthy relationship, ignoring warning signs is the best way to make sure you don’t get them. Ignoring warning signs will keep you in an unhealthy relationship and prevent you from finding the love you want.
Here are 5 warning signs you should never ignore if you want a healthy relationship.
1. They don’t get along with their family.
If you want a healthy relationship, a big red flag is someone who isn’t getting along with their family.
Of course, many of us have problems with our families. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean everyone gets along, and that’s okay. But if your persona is alienated from their family, if they have a toxic relationship with their parents, if their children don’t talk to them, then your persona may not be able to maintain a healthy relationship.
I know many of us think that if we love someone enough, we can help them heal from the pain their family has caused so that they can be happy. And yes, it’s possible to help someone feel loved, but most of the time they’re deeply damaged and might have a hard time bonding with them emotionally.
2. They cheat.
I have a client whose new boyfriend was a habitual scammer. He cheated on everyone he had ever dated and had love with several lovers in the bed he shared with his wife. My client found him quickly after he got divorced and fell madly into him.
She believed he had changed. That he loved her so much that he would never cheat on her again. And then he did. Again and again and again.
If your person is a habitual scammer, most likely they will continue to be. Even if she loves you madly and you have a lot of love, a person who cheats does so for a variety of reasons, reasons that won’t just go away without a little help.
If your person cheated on their ex, be careful. If she was a habitual cheater, run away as soon as possible.
3. You can’t keep a job.
When I found my ex, I remember stalking him on LinkedIn. There she learned that he had been in 4 different jobs in 5 years. I remember thinking that looked like a problem, but I chose to ignore it. I was a life coach. If he had problems with job security, then surely I could help him.
Of course, job security became a big issue. Losing so many jobs made him incredibly insecure. He had tons of debt to support the lifestyle he wanted to offer his family. He had no confidence that he could do this job, or any job.
I tried working with him to address the systemic issues I could see surrounding his work, but to no avail. And I began to worry that being attached to this man might challenge me financially.
So if your person has a problem keeping a job, be careful. Of course times are tough now with Covid and the economy but if this has been going on for a while that’s definitely a red flag!
4. You drink too much.
Of course, many of us drink, especially when we’re early in a relationship. There’s nothing quite like sharing some grown-up drinks while we have long conversations about our hopes and dreams. That being said, if your person consistently has more than a few drinks over the course of a night, that’s definitely a red flag.
People with drinking problems are people you should stay away from if you want to be in a healthy relationship. People who drink too much can be physically unhealthy, financially unsound, and have problems with relationships and job security. You can be impulsive and prone to extreme emotional outbursts. They can be abusive when upset and inconsistent in their behavior.
Also, people who drink have problems with emotional bonding, which is key to a healthy relationship.
My ex was an alcoholic and while he was good at being physically affectionate, it was difficult to bond with him emotionally. He had started drinking at age 15 to cope with his relationship with his mother (warning sign #1). He never had the chance to develop emotionally and was therefore unavailable for real connection. He went from woman to woman and cheated on each of them (Red Warning Sign #2).
I tried and tried to have a healthy relationship with him, but I couldn’t do it on my own. He wouldn’t stop drinking and I was unhappy. I had ignored this warning sign early in our relationship and wished I hadn’t.
5. They are inconsistent with their attention.
Do you have a person who comes and goes? Someone who texts for hours and then disappears for days?
Does she proclaim her love and then hang out with other men?
Does he tell you he needs “time” and walk away, only to return days or weeks or months later and declare his love? And then he goes again.
People who care about people are consistent with their attentions. And why? Because they want it. They want to show them that they care, they want to spend time with them, they want them to feel safe and know that they will never leave them. They want to make sure their person knows they love them.
So when your persona comes and goes, whether electronically or in person, that’s a big red flag that you shouldn’t ignore if you want a healthy relationship. Don’t think that if you just love them enough, if you just stick around long enough, they’ll suddenly realize they’re madly in love with you and stay put. They won’t.
Ignoring warning signs is the best way to sabotage things if you want a healthy relationship.
I know you really want things to work out because you kiss a lot of frogs and you only want one to stay. But don’t do it!
If you waste even one more minute with someone with bright warning signs, you are wasting time that could be spent finding someone who has no warning signs, someone who could make you happy and give you the healthy relationship you want !