Do you want a healthy relationship? Is the idea of building a life with something that you are actively seeking? Have you been burned in the past and not sure why? Do you want to do things differently this time? If so, then you should definitely make sure that you are not ignoring these warning signs.
Warning signs are those little things that you see when you’re in a new relationship, things that make you stop and say it. Things that make you doubt whether this person is right for you. Things that are scary because you want this relationship so badly to work.
Unfortunately, because we want this relationship to work, we often ignore the warning signs. We ignore the signs that this person may not be the right one for us. We hope that maybe the warning signs aren’t a big deal, that that person could change, that we can live with them because other things are good.
If you want a healthy relationship, ignoring warning signs is the best way to make sure you aren’t getting them. Ignoring warning signs will keep you in an unhealthy relationship and keep you from finding the love you want.
Here are 5 warning signs that you should never ignore if you want a healthy relationship.
1. They don’t get along with their family.
If you want a healthy relationship, a big warning sign is someone who is not getting along with their family.
Of course, many of us have problems with our families. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean everyone is getting along and that’s fine. But if your person has become estranged from their family, if they have a toxic relationship with their parents, if their children don’t talk to them, then your person may not be able to have a healthy relationship.
I know many of us think that if we love someone just enough, we can help them heal from the pain their family has caused so that they can be happy. And yes, it is possible to help someone feel loved, but they are mostly deeply damaged and may have a hard time attaching themselves to them emotionally.
2. You cheat.
I have a client whose new boyfriend was a habitual cheater. He cheated on everyone he’d ever dated with multiple lovers in the bed he shared with his wife. My client quickly found him after he got divorced and fell insane into him.
She believed that he had changed. That he loved her so much that he would never betray her again. And then he did. Again and again and again
If your person is a habitual cheater, most of them will continue to be. Even if they love you madly and you have a lot of love, a person cheating does so for a variety of reasons, reasons that won’t just go away without some help.
If your person cheated on their ex, be careful. If she’s been a habitual cheater, run away as soon as possible.
3. You cannot keep a job.
When I found my ex, I remember stalking him on LinkedIn. There she learned that he had been in 4 different jobs in 5 years. I remember thinking this looked like a problem, but decided to ignore it. I was a life coach. If he had job security problems, I could help him.
Of course, job security became a big issue. That he’d lost so many jobs made him incredibly insecure. He owed tons of debt to maintain the lifestyle he wanted to offer his family. He didn’t trust that he could do this job, or any job.
I tried to work with him to address the systemic problems I could see surrounding his work, but to no avail. And I began to worry that attaching to this man would be financially challenging.
So, if your person has a problem keeping a job, be careful. Of course, times are tough now with Covid and the economy, but if this has been going on for a while this is definitely a warning sign!
4. You drink too much.
Of course, many of us drink, especially when we are in a relationship early on. There’s nothing like sharing a few grown-up drinks while we have long conversations about our hopes and dreams. That being said, if your person regularly has more than a few drinks in the course of an evening, this is definitely a warning sign.
People with alcohol problems are people you should stay away from if you want to be in a healthy relationship. People who drink too much can be physically unhealthy, financially unsound, and have problems with relationships and job security. You can be impulsive and prone to extreme emotional outbursts. They can be abusive when they are upset and inconsistent in their behavior.
Also, people who drink have problems with emotional attachment, which is key to a healthy relationship.
My ex was an alcoholic, and while he was good at being physically loving, he was difficult to bond with emotionally. He had started drinking when he was 15 to cope with his relationship with his mother (warning sign # 1). He never had a chance to develop emotionally and was therefore unavailable for real connection. He went from woman to woman and betrayed each of them (red warning sign # 2).
I tried and tried to have a healthy relationship with him, but I couldn’t do it on my own. He didn’t want to stop drinking and I was unhappy. I ignored this warning sign at the beginning of our relationship and wish I hadn’t.
5. You are inconsistent with their attention.
Do you have a person who comes and goes? Someone who texts for hours and then disappears for days?
Does she proclaim her love and then hang out with other men?
Does he tell you that he needs “time” and goes away, only to come back days or weeks or months later and declare his love? And then he goes again.
People who care about people are consistent with their attentions. And why? Because they want it. They want to show their person that they care about them, they want to spend time with them, they want them to feel safe and know that they will never leave them. They want to make sure that their person knows they love them.
So when your person comes and goes, electronic or personal, that’s a big warning sign that you shouldn’t ignore if you want a healthy relationship. Don’t think that if you love them just enough, if you just stay around long enough, they will suddenly realize that they are madly in love with you and will stay there. They won’t.
Ignoring warning signs is the best way to sabotage things if you want a healthy relationship.
I know you really want things to work because you kiss a lot of frogs and you just want one to stay. But don’t do it!
If you waste even one more minute with someone with glowing warning signs, you are wasting time that you could spend finding someone who has no warning signs, someone who could make you happy and give you the healthy relationship you want !
So go away, you can do it