Have you ever been in a situation where you encountered an emotionally damaged man who had a lot of problems?
But instead of running away from him and letting him handle his own problems, you’ve decided to do the opposite: you’ve made it your mission to fix him. If you know this situation too well, here are 5 reasons why this was the worst decision of your life.
1. YOU ARE NOT A SUPERWOMAN
When you meet an emotionally damaged or disturbed man for the first time, you see him and his situation as a challenge. After all, you’ve achieved things that seem far more impossible than these. You are not someone who puts an end to it and you know how strong you are. Why could not you fix this man too?
You have convinced yourself that you are the only one who can open his heart to love, the only one who has the ability to drive away his dark demons, and the only one who can really help him.
Well, let me burst your bubble, because you will not succeed. You are a strong, powerful woman. Nobody can deny that. But that does not give you superpowers and does not make you all-powerful when it comes to others.
You probably do not want to give up this guy because you would consider that as your personal defeat. Remember, however, that you can not do everything you have planned for. Nobody can.
2. YOU WERE NOT THE ONE WHO HURT HIM
We should all take responsibility for our actions and wrongdoing. This man is broken for a reason. He was probably injured by a woman from his past, or he has some traumas, problems, and emotional baggage that he carries around all the time and apparently can not get rid of. But you should ask yourself if you made him feel that way.
Were you the one who crushed his heart and changed him forever? Of course, the answer is no! You are not responsible for his wounds. So how can it be your duty to heal them? Remember, you can not fix anything that you did not damage yourself. Yes, you can help him with this, but you can not be the one to do the healing instead of him.
3. YOU CAN NOT REPAIR ANYONE
The hard truth many do not want to face is that you can not save anyone, especially if you do not want to be saved. I know this is hard to understand, but there are some people who got used to their pain. It became such an inseparable part of them that they no longer saw it as bad.
There are people whose toxicity has become their comfort zone and who really do not want to get rid of it. If your husband is one of those people, I’m sorry, but there’s no point in doing his dirty work for him because you will not achieve anything.
For example, if this guy needs an apology, he has to get it from the woman who made him feel that way. If he needs time to process some things and get away from his pain, he is the one who has to do it with or without you in his life. You can not solve his problems, and you can not magically erase his scars. Well, you can try it, but success would be temporary.
4. HE ONLY PULLS YOU DOWN WITH IT
When you first considered how to help this man, you probably imagined the best scenario. Your love, honesty and devotion would soften his heart.
He would release the burden that weighed on him, and he would show you his true, vulnerable self. If you succeed, you will draw him into the light and all his demons and traumas will be part of his distant memory.
Sounds good, I know. But it sounds almost too good to be honest. What you have not considered is that things are reversed. You see, there is always the possibility that he will pull you down and hurt you, just like him.
There is a very real possibility that its negativity and toxicity outweigh your positive energy and the love you bring to the table. So this is a possibility for you both to be completely destroyed inside.
5. YOU HAVE TO FOCUS ON YOURSELF
But instead of taking on the problems of others, it’s time for you to focus on yourself. It is time to go to the place that belongs to you. I’m talking about a place at the top of your list of priorities.
And there is nothing egoistic about that. Instead, it should only work that way. Do not get me wrong. I do not advise you to become a self-centered madman who cares only about her own well-being. However, I ask you not to get into a situation where you are wasting all your energy to help others and have no strength to lift you when you have to.
Please put all the effort and time you have devoted to this man into your own life. Make sure you become the best possible version of yourself. Sounds unscrupulous, I know. Still, it’s the only way your own life does not suffer for others. Because the truth is that no matter how hard you take care of another person, you have to come first because you’re the one who counts the most. And you always have to love yourself before you love someone else