According to research, only about 12% of couples stay together for more than 20 years, but those who manage to maintain a long-term relationship have similar levels of brain activity to those who are newly in love! This means that calm and silent love is the answer to a happy, everlasting relationship.
Here at Kindred Souls, we believe that being part of a happy couple takes effort and that silent love is actually the most viable type of all. Scroll down to find out why.
1. Silent love is not a synonym for dull and stagnant.
Researcher Aaron Ben-Zeév described calm relationships as free from negative elements such as tough confrontations, jealousy, and fear. This does not mean that your development as a couple has stalled or that there are no exciting emotions, and it certainly does not mean stagnation.
Sure, you can still have butterflies, but silent love primarily means feeling safe and comfortable, experiencing new stages in life, growing personally and as a couple, and supporting one another.
2. Silent love means a safe environment.
The researcher Art Aron showed that long-term couples who reported a high level of quiet romantic closeness had a similar level of brain activity as couples newly in love!
The reason that silent love lasts the longest is that the partners learn not to violate each other’s boundaries, not to lose control, to abstain from criticism and judgment, to be patient and tolerant, and to be safe and create loving surroundings.
3. Silent love is not possible without trust.
Quiet love is based on expanded trust and openness in exchange for security. In other words, one agrees never to hurt one another – while the aggression of someone significant is the most painful. Without trust, transparency, emotional support, understanding, and respect, we can never be calm or feel truly safe and loved.
4. Quiet love is still romantic.
As Aaron Ben-Zeév described for today’s psychology, we need to understand the difference between romantic intensity and depth. The first is the passion and desire of the moment. It is short-lived, but there is no further development. Romantic depth, on the other hand, is an ongoing experience that encompasses both intensities and sustained development and blossoming of each individual lover and their overall relationship.
5. Serenity is a new excitement.
In today’s world based on superficial relationships with all of these speed dating apps and showing off on social media, deep silent love is a very valuable thing. Over time, you bring your partner to a deeper, more complex level, you learn new things about each other, there are shared activities and shared emotional experiences – it brings something new to the relationship without falling head over heels in love.
Do you also think that silent love is the most permanent and can also survive hard times? We’d love to hear your stories in the comments section below!