Why do you keep attracting negativity? What should keep you away from a happy and healthy relationship? It could be your mindset that is damaging the healthy growth of your relationship. Read on to find out about harmful mindsets in a relationship.
As I approach the two year anniversary of the launch of this website, I have had countless conversations with people at all stages of life. Men, women, boys, girls, singles, married, divorced and everything in between.
If you really stop listening and paying attention, there are many lessons you can take away from these interactions. Insights into the thoughts and feelings of others, but also the ability to reflect on your own.
Some of these involve varying degrees of what could be termed self-sabotage. Of course, many of us have been blunted, taken advantage of, taken for granted, or not appreciated along the way. This can permeate a new relationship as we find it difficult to let go of the damage from the old one.
It is important that we stay positive and true to ourselves in order to find a happy relationship.
5 harmful mindsets in relationships that should keep you from finding the happiness you deserve
1. You expect to find the ‘perfect relationship’.
While the perfect relationship doesn’t really exist, I have a feeling that many people are less and less willing to put in the work and effort necessary to build something at the side of a partner. You walk away at the first sign of trouble, and that prevents deep, meaningful relationships from actually developing.
No matter how simple and carefree I or others make it sound like a relationship is easy, there will always be challenges to face.
But that’s what definitely makes you and your partner stronger for each other. It is what you are meant to do with each other when you overcome these obstacles as a team. It’s what it means to be truly indebted to the person you love.
2. You have not yet recognized your own self-worth.
Relationships are not just about finding the right person to be with, but also about being the right person. For many of us, we don’t just wake up one day and instantly become that person. We must expend the time and effort to evolve accordingly.
The bottom line is that “we accept the love we think we deserve,” and you are free to choose what you deserve. Someone’s inability to see your worth doesn’t make you less valuable, so it’s called self worth. It’s up to you, not them.
If you don’t feel like you really deserve to be happy, you will always find yourself sabotaging the situations that can bring you it. Stop being the victim and start being the winner.
3. You are actually afraid of finding happiness.
I remember a long time ago people spoke to me about the concept of fear of success. I never really got what they meant, how can you be afraid of success? How can you be afraid of happiness?
Both success and luck require risk. They require a lot more risk than mediocrity or just being content. To walk the safe way through the forest. To live a ‘beige’ life. And, it can be scary. It can be scary falling in love with someone who in return doesn’t fall in love with you. It can be scary to imagine giving too much to someone without giving anything back. But, without risk, there is no reward.
Happiness favors the brave, not only in life but also in love.
4. You never think the timing is right.
Life is going crazy, we are all busy, and it becomes difficult to imagine shifting our schedule to accommodate that of a completely different person in order to develop a relationship with them.
The timing is not right, but you will be able to focus more after you reach your next goal. Or after you’ve made that deadline. Or after your new assistant has been hired.
Whatever it is, there is always an excuse that seems to keep us from doing what we really want to do. “Sometime” is not a weekday and it actually never appears on the calendar. There is no such thing as a perfect moment, but what there is is the ability to take the moment and make it perfect.
There won’t be any wrong timing in finding the right person, but you need to be open to having them come into your life.
5. You are jaded.
This is perhaps the most common reason I hear from people why they don’t want to date anymore. They have been burned in the past and have not felt appreciated, which I mentioned earlier. They believe that there are no more good people in the world. No good men and no good women. All men are idiots and all women are crazy. It’s one of the most damaging ways of thinking in a relationship.
After a disappointment, two, or twenty it’s natural to get worn down and discouraged, but keeping hope alive is the only piece missing to finding the person you want to be with.
There is no prediction of when or where you will find the person you fell in love with. You can read this article on your phone and meet her on the street. You could stand in line behind them in the cafe. You could find her at a party. But if you’re too jaded to give them a chance when they come around, you risk letting them escape forever.
While looking for happiness can be a risk, it is far less risky than spending the rest of your life wishing you had it