Most of the men I met liked my character. But only at the beginning. As the relationship developed, everything changed. They already wanted me to walk less, be quieter, dress more modestly – in general, so that I behave the way they like.
Therefore, over and over again I asked myself the same question:
Why did they start dating me if they wanted me to be different?
The bottom line is that your partner may say that he wants you to be yourself, but his actions suggest otherwise. Namely:
1. He gives advice from his own complexes.
I once dated a guy who was a little lost. He was an athlete and didn’t know what he wanted to do in the long run.
Then I just started to build a career and tried to keep up with my colleagues. One evening, when I was talking about difficulties at work, just to complain, he began to roll his eyes and said that I should quit.
Over time, I began to climb the career ladder, and he increasingly complained about my colleagues and boss. He clearly did not support me and did not want me to succeed, because he himself did not find his place in life and, apparently, felt insecure.
2. He is annoyed by certain traits of your character.
One boyfriend of mine was a friend of my friends. Then we constantly hung out in clubs, danced, had fun, in general. He really liked me and after a few weeks he confessed his feelings.
I had to predict the outcome, because I am very sociable and happy to meet all new people. And that became a problem when we started dating. Because he became annoyed by my communication with others, especially men.
As he later told me, he hoped that I would “calm down” when I start a serious relationship. But this is a part of my character that will not change, at least in the coming years.
3. He begins to criticize your clothing style.
Your clothing style reflects you, your character and personality. You shouldn’t change it, just because your man wants it.
4. He tries to distance you from your social circle / family.
He can constantly control who you communicate with, limit your time to meet with friends, not let you go to them. As my friend’s boyfriend said, he “was just worried that she was with someone he didn’t know well.” But it means that he does not trust her and her choice of friends.
If you think your partner is trying to change you, take a step back. If he doesn’t want to be with you as you are, this is not love.