11 steps that will prepare you for the love you deserve
You may stumble upon the love of your life by accident, or you may need to prepare for the love you truly and truly deserve. In other words, you may need to take a few steps to prepare yourself for the love you’ve always wanted to experience in life.
When I was 18 I thought I had met the man I was going to marry.
By the time I was 22, I was ready to move on and see what else the world had to offer me.
At 25, I started questioning every decision I made with every man I’d ever dated.
I questioned my decision to break up with my first love. I questioned who to date. I was unsure how to heal my wounds and find true happiness in a relationship. I tripped and swayed and fell quite often.
I married my soul mate when I was almost 29. This is not the end of the journey, but the beginning of a journey.
Getting to this point has been a process, a learning experience and an adventure.
Sometimes I felt very lost along the way. But in hindsight, there was a clear path.
Even when I first met my husband, I wasn’t ready for him. There were steps I had to take for myself, by myself, to prepare for this truly great love.
So if you’re longing for the great love you know you deserve and feeling a little lost along the way, I hope these steps will help you. For me they did.
Here are 11 steps to prepare yourself for the love you deserve
1. Throw away the list.
If you’re like me, you may have a list of your soulmate’s superficial qualities written down or jotted in the back of your mind. Mine was something like “must be over 6′, have dark shaggy hair, light eyes, drive a nice car, be funny, etc.” I’m not sure if I was listing qualities that are really important to me were, or whether I was emulating a magazine advertisement.
It’s one thing to know what’s important to you in a relationship or to meet someone with similar values, but do yourself a favor and skip the list of traits.
2. Know your core of desired feelings.
This section will help you understand why I recommended you throw out the list. Rather than surface qualities, decide how you want to feel in a relationship. Is it something special? Secure? admired? Intellectually stimulated?
When I first met my husband, he didn’t fit my whole list of qualities I thought he needed to have. And at first I used this to make up any excuse why it wouldn’t work.
But then one day we connected on a much deeper level and all those excuses fell apart. He made me feel how I wanted to feel. Decide on four to six desired core feelings that you must have in a relationship.
3. Be your own boyfriend (or girlfriend).
Once you are clear about the feelings you desire, be your own boyfriend or girlfriend. That said, if you want to feel lovely, think of ways to make yourself feel lovely right now. If you want to feel valued, think of ways to value yourself. Buy flowers, take a long bath, go to the gym, skip school and go to the beach.
Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel really good in that moment. If you are already feeling these feelings, you will attract the right partner for you.
Want to know more about how to prepare for love? Check out this video below!
4. Get real.
Be real with yourself and the life you want to live. Be authentic. Stop living the life you thought you were meant to live, or someone else’s version of happiness for you.
You are unique and you have unique talents, qualities and aspirations. Lead with your soul and explore where it tells you to go.
5. Get your affairs in order.
What areas of your life could use a little spring cleaning? Instead of hoping someone will walk into your life and save you, start saving yourself. If your finances are a mess, take steps or get help to fix them. If your house is a mess, start cleaning up and organizing.
Simplify your life. Declutter wherever possible. Break free from toxic relationships that you know aren’t good for you.
6. Take good care of yourself.
Self-care leads to a sense of well-being. That means treating your body well by eating foods that nourish it, sweating regularly, getting enough sleep, and drinking plenty of water.
These are simple yet powerful ways to practice self-care and increase your own magnetic qualities to attract great love. And when you take care of yourself, you’re ready to take care of your partner when he or she arrives.
7. Take a break.
In my mid-twenties, I was in steady relationships with little time for myself. Each new partner brought with it some hope of love, but I inevitably ended up falling into a pattern similar to the last one. It wasn’t her fault; it was mine
I needed to take some time off and focus on myself and what I wanted for a while. It took about six months to do just that. I learned how to practice self-love, set goals for my life, and move forward in powerful ways.
8. Tie up any loose ends.
Allow your past to be in the past. Heal any heartbreak and tend to any wounds that could use some attention. Let go of past love by forgiving yourself and others and choosing to use the experience as fuel for growth.
We often carry pain with us throughout our lives, which makes us heavy and sad. Let it go. Transform yourself from a victim into a hero who has overcome his obstacles.
9. Tell yourself a different story.
Research has shown that it is the stories we tell ourselves about our lives that actually shape our happiness and are more important than the actual events in our life. So if you’re still frustrated by a particularly hard breakup, change the story you’re telling yourself about it.
For example, instead of being the poor girl (or guy) who was betrayed and will never heal, make yourself the hero who got out of a horrible situation before you got married and made a big mistake.
Or if you were a child of divorced parents and worry that you are doomed to repeat the same pattern, change your history and make yourself the outlier in your family who will cultivate a lasting relationship.
10. Lead with your intuition .
Learn how to trust and lead with your intuition. We can tune into our intuition by getting in touch with our body. Think back to a time when you knew you were making a bad decision but made it anyway. How does your body feel when you think about it?
You may feel tightness in your chest or nausea in your stomach. On the other hand, think back to a time when you felt really good about a decision you made. How does that feel in your body instead?
The next time you’re unsure of what your intuition is trying to tell you, remind yourself to tune into those feelings in your body. This is especially true when you meet the right partner.
11. Once you’ve found that special someone, notice if you’re talking your way into or out of the relationship.
A friend of mine recently got into a relationship and while she’s feeling pretty happy, she’s found herself questioning the relationship. It’s their usual pattern and not a symptom of the relationship itself. I felt the same way when I met my husband as fears arose in the early stages.
One trick I’ve learned is noticing if you’re talking your way into or out of the relationship.
If you have to talk yourself into the relationship, then it probably isn’t for you. That’s when your gut tells you it’s wrong, but you find excuses to stay. However, if you convince yourself that the relationship isn’t right for you, then your fears may get in the way. This is when you’re actually feeling happy, but your ego finds complications to offer you a way out.