The more you push them away, the more you pick at your own happiness. The more you push her away, the more she’ll give up on you.
It’s time you learned: you push women away even when you want them around you.
I was interviewed once for an article on Fox News Los Angeles, the author of which finds herself on the LA dating scene (which, as you can imagine, is unique).
We talked about some experiences she’s had with men lately, and while some of them were a little different from what I usually hear, some of them also coincided with topics that I felt like I did had discussed several different men several times with several different women. What does that mean?
It means that there are consistencies. There are, for some reason, mistakes that a lot of men (probably me too) make when it comes to being in a relationship. In this article, we’re going to discuss some of them to help us all become more aware of where we can improve and work on getting better.
Here are 10 ways you can push them off you without realizing it
1. You never really learned anything about women.
This always surprised me a little. People (men and women) spend years of their lives learning about business, history, science, and whatever issues we may face. But when it comes to the one thing that each and every one of us shares – relationships – many are generally clueless.
You don’t take the time to observe, talk to, or learn the opposite.
The more effort you put into learning about women, especially the one in your life, the more likely you are to align with their feelings, emotions, likes, and dislikes. This will of course lead to a smoother, happier relationship because you can anticipate their wants and needs in order to respond to them.
You don’t have to be a mind reader, you just have to make a little effort.
2. You spend too much time trying to sell yourself.
That means you spend way too much time talking about yourself and not enough time getting to know them. Dating is not meant to be a sales pitch where you try to convince the person on the other end of the table that you are their best option.
It’s about learning from each other and figuring out whether the two of you are a good match or not.
You have two ears and one mouth for a reason: listen twice as much as you speak.
3. You don’t make it your priority.
More than one conversation I’ve had recently has involved men who were either so engrossed in their careers, business, friends, or other interests that they barely made time for their own girlfriend.
As an entrepreneur, I understand the importance of focusing on business and progress, but I also understand the beauty and depth that a relationship can bring to your life and how important it is to play your part in it.
The woman in your life wants to feel valued. She wants to feel adored. She wants you to be emotionally present when you are with her. She doesn’t have to have you around all the time, but of course she wants to feel loved, just like you.
If you stop trying to make the woman in your life feel special every day, you will lose your right to complain when someone else does.
4. You haven’t worked on building a foundation.
A foundation of friendship and trust is essential for any relationship, much like a first building, a foundation is essential for building a house. Without them, things can look solid on the outside but crumble on the inside.
Many men shy away from friendship with women because they are afraid of being in the “friendship zone” and never having anything more than that with a woman they have feelings for. But it’s important to realize that many relationships are built on friendships. That is what two people should be meant for each other in the long run. She has to know that she can rely on you, that you will be there, that you are the real thing.
You can have a friendship without a relationship, but you cannot have a relationship without a friendship.
5. You are inconsistent.
Another of the most common questions I get from women about men is: Why are men so hot and cold? Men can talk about engagement and a relationship one day and disappear completely the next day. What’s happening?
I understand that as men in the age of social media, we have options. We can easily break off one conversation and start a new one while easily forgetting the last one. It’s an unfortunate side effect of the “out of sight, out of mind” mentality that comes with the constant information overload. But one thing hasn’t changed: the fact that you’re talking to real people with real feelings and emotions.
If you are interested in her, tell her. If you are not interested in her, tell her. A gentleman will never let a woman fall for it if he does not intend to catch her.
6. You concentrate too much on how she looks.
This point is quite interesting because it might be counter-intuitive to a lot of the men reading this. But that’s just because most guys try to get a woman’s attention by complimenting her on her beauty and not bothering to learn about her character.
Early in my relationship, I found myself not complimenting my girlfriend very often about how she looked. I wanted to tell her that she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, I wanted to tell her that she looks just as beautiful in sweatpants as she does in a dress. I wanted to dig up every adjective I can think of to describe someone’s appearance – but, I didn’t.
Why? Because I didn’t want her to think that was why I wanted to be with her. Yes, she’s beautiful and lovely and all those things, but she’s so much more than that. I actually told her once that I didn’t want her to think I just wanted her because of her looks and she told me if I had spent too much time complimenting her on her beauty, she would have thought just that.
The woman in your life will appreciate it much more if you take the time to notice her character, compassion, consideration, and kindness – much more than if you tell her how great her butt looks in those jeans . Even if he does.
7. Too much and too fast.
Yes, men can be clingy too. Especially when we find a woman who really gets our attention, the excitement can be a little overwhelming at times, and we can arrive stronger than we intended.
That can be kryptonite, especially for a more independent type of woman, and knock her away instantly.
Take a step back, take a deep breath, tell her what a great time you had on your date, and do your best to fight the urge to text her every 5 minutes. Don’t worry about coming off as uninterested, you’re helping yourself rather than harming yourself.
8. You have not yet defined yourself and your own path.
I know this has been a major obstacle for me for a long time. I wasn’t really sure who I was as a person, who I wanted to be, or who I wanted to be. Because of this (and others), I knew I wouldn’t be ready for a relationship until at least I got these issues under control.
To be happy with someone else, you have to be happy with yourself first. This is the most important relationship you will ever have. If this isn’t healthy, neither will any of your other relationships.
The idea of ”you complete me” is romantic but not realistic. A relationship is not about two people who make each other complete, it is about two people who are already whole and who fully accept each other.
9. You make the effort part-time.
Healthy relationships are not part-time engagement. The woman you are with is not just another option or way to pass the time, and she shouldn’t be made to feel like she is.
When you are with her, be with her. If you’re not with her, let her know you’re thinking of her. A relationship is a team, and teams fall apart when one of the members does not contribute.
As mentioned earlier, she needs to know that you will be there for her in good times and bad. If you always seem to be engaged in some way, at some point she will find that she is better off when she is single or finds someone to give her what she needs.