Every relationship has its ups and downs, and you will never run into one that has absolutely no problems. But there is a difference between serious problems and not-so-serious problems. In a relationship, most couples tend to get at each other’s hair over some pretty silly issues that are really not worth their time and energy.
“Choose your fights wisely. After all, life isn’t measured by how many times you got up to fight. It’s not winning fights that makes you happy, but how many times you’ve turned your back and decided to look in a better direction. Life is too short to go to war. Only fight most, most, the most important let the rest go ”. – C. Bell of joy C.
There are no ideal marriages and there are no perfect relationships. No matter how many marriage counselling columns we read, real life is different from ideal counselling columns. In reality, the relationships are not 50-50, sometimes 90-10 or 40-60 and we have to come to terms with it and live with it.
In reality, perfection is an unrealistic expectation of people. We are all imperfectly perfect. Each of us has our own quirks and habits; we lose our shit, anger, scream and cry whenever we are triggered. Each of us has habits that do not do justice to perfection.
We leave a wet towel on the floor, sometimes forget to pay the bills, leave the toilet seat up and the list goes on. All marriages and relationships have their share of such trivial instances and stupid problems, but are they really worth our sh * t?
Well, there are of course some serious issues worth addressing, but a lot of the things we argue about are just plain junk.
Here are 10 stupid relationship issues that couples shouldn’t worry about
1. You always try to prove that you are right.
It’s one of the most common and stupid topics to argue about in relationships. There are two types of people in relationships, people who seek strength and people who seek deep connection.
People looking for power in relationships have a better than or less than mentality. You engage in one-up or superior stance. You’re more focused on proving yourself right than trying to establish a deep connection.
But the problem with trying to be right has its price. It automatically implies that your partner is wrong. And if your partner repeatedly feels like they are being humiliated or looked down on, sooner or later they will be bitter or upset.
Providing to yourself that you are right is a silly ego trap that may make you feel good in the short term, but is highly destructive to your relationship in the long run.
2. Arguing about who started what.
If you’re arguing about who started, then you are probably placing too much emphasis on proving yourself a victim or harmless. The truth of the matter is, proving yourself a victim or harmless is again another stupid ego tactic to make you look morally superior.
But, you know what? Nobody is completely harmless or a victim in a fight. Things are not so black and white in the conflict and both parties have equal points of view.
3. Repeat the scenarios.
Do you find yourself caught up in petty arguments about who said what and when?
If you get a kick out of acting out the scenarios in your head and starting an argument with your partner over what they told you five years ago, you really need to work on your emotional intelligence.
You told me so and so, so many years back is a loop, it doesn’t let you look at things from a new perspective and enjoy what is happening in the present moment.
4. Wanting things to be done your way.
If you always want things to be done your way, the way you want, where you vacation from, what movie to watch, or how to get intimate with each other, regardless of your partner’s preferences or choices, you become your Frustrating partners without end.
It’s okay to find yourself halfway sometimes instead of always following “my way or the freeway”.
5. To be told what to do.
If your partner tells you what to do and what not to do, please don’t make it an ego problem and don’t freak out.
There is no harm in listening to someone’s advice – you can always choose whether or not to follow it, but freaking out and arguing about it is just petty behavior.
6. Assess who twisted the eye or used an inappropriate tone of voice.
Well, the ideal scenario is that we always talk kindly and respectfully to our partner, but the way we have discussed real life is far from ideal. We are all human and each of us loses his sh * t at some point.
We all scream, rage, cry hysterically, roll our eyes, and have tantrums when triggered. Please do not take the bad behaviour of your partner personally and let it throw you off track.
7. Being rejected for intimacy.
Asked about intimacy and turned away?
Don’t take it personally and start yelling, whining, or getting angry outbursts. That’s not at all. If you get aroused, here are better options:
Ask again and this time be more seductive and inviting and see if it changes your partner’s mood. If it doesn’t work out, chill out and maybe read a book. There’s always a next time.
8. Expect things to be fair.
Ok, so if you’re getting into relationships and hoping they’ll always be like a perfect fairy tale, let me clear the myth for you – neither life nor relationships are perfect. Relationships can be really messy.
Well, it’s an ideal scenario when things are 50-50 in your relationship, but the reality is that your partner can get really maudlin at times or you get really triggered and it has to be 90-10 or 40-60.
Expecting and tolerating injustices is part of growing up, complaining that things are unfair is a journey back to childhood.
9. Having to ask what you want is a journey back to childhood.
Asking is a mature way of finding one’s wants and needs. As a mature adult, you are expected to ask clearly what you want
If you are still living with the adolescent notion that your partner is a mind reader and will know everything that is on your mind, you will end up being really disappointed because nobody is really a psychic.
Don’t let asking what you want to become an ego thing because you think it makes you less than everyone else. Don’t think that craving for something diminishes your worth. If I get a hug from my partner after asking for it, it’s as cute as one they give me on the fly. Asking requires courage and the ability to deal with both yes and no with equal grace.
10. Bring up the past.
It’s another of those stupid topics that wreak havoc in relationships. Do you hold a grudge against your partner for something they said to you 12 years ago? Should you keep stirring them up by reminding them of their past mistakes?
Well, holding a grudge and mentioning previous mistakes really won’t solve a problem. It will only make you more bitter and resentful. It is better to forgive and live in the present or you will miss the beautiful life that is unfolding for you right before your eyes.